Story Time with Daddy! (Day 60)

The past few days have been very good days for me. Zak has had a little down time and that has allowed him to be able to call me and I cannot explain the feeling I get when I hear his voice....butterflies <3 I love it.

Today was EXTRA awesome because I got a package in the mail from the USO and inside was a Curious George book and a mini DVD.

The mini DVD was a video of Zak reading Curious George to Grayson!!!

And at the end of the story he got a minute to say some personal words and I will admit --I didn't start crying until that point.

I know the story and the DVD are mainly for Grayson but oh how good it was to see him...to see him without blur, delayed, or breaking in and out every few seconds to really see him it was so perfect.

And may I just say, he is looking goooooood, A sexy man that husband of mine ;)

Aside from my over excitement of this story book and video I watched it with Grayson -not once, but twice. We watched it as soon as I opened it and after me and Graysons evening walk and tubby time, I put him in his little rocker, set the laptop up where he could see it and we both sat there together watching Zak read the bedtime story. Once it got down to where he just talks to us I took the laptop and put it on Graysons lap and he got so wide-eyed and smiley and kept hitting his hands on the computer and would smile real big each time I would say, "Thats Dada!".

A story book and video might not see like a very big deal to a lot of people out there but this is such a big deal!

It is perfect :)

Now everyday/night we get to share story time with Daddy and that is so special to us.

This will also help give Grayson something to watch of his Daddy all of the time to help him remember Zak when he comes home and that is so important to me to try to keep that memory there and I know videos like these are going to help so much.

Zak said the USO building has a little room and they have close to or over 100 childrens books. The soldier picks the book he wants to read and goes into the room -and from the video it looks like the setting of a childs room- and the sit in front of a camera and it records them reading :))) How awesome is that?!?

We had the recordable book that Zak did before he left but this is SO much better because we get to see him and hear him!

He said he is going to try to do this with as many books as possible. I know his is very busy and that may take some time but even this one book is more than I could ever have asked for.

Thank you so much baby! You are hands down, the best Daddy a little boy could ask for!

We love and miss you so much!

until the end of all time <3

Grayson = 6 months!

Today is Grayson's "6 month birthday"!

I can't believe it...it does not feel like it has been 6 months since he was born, and to think in 6 more months he will be a year old!

Part of me wants that time to be a little slower so I can still enjoy my little bug, but at the same time I want it to go by just as fast, if not faster as the first 6 months because not only will Grayson be 1 year old in 6 months, Zak will also be home for 2 weeks of R&R! YAY! And then after that there will only be 4 more months until he is home and finished with this deployment! SUPER YAY!

We had Grayson's 6 month well baby appointment today, which went pretty darn well, he is always good at the doctors...although babe, you are going to love this --remember his very first appointment ever, 2 days after we left the hospital....well I guess he wanted to relive a certain moment from that appointment :p oh yeah you know what I am talking about hahaha. He is such a little monster.

Grayson sitting up by himself in the cutest monkey beanie that my Mom got him :)

He is very healthy which makes me happy, he is on track for his development both physically and mentally -a few things about Grayson:

• He is eating his baby foods..really loves pears, prunes, peas and green beans but will eat it all except bananas which is funny because neither Zak nor myself like bananas.
• When feeding him, I give him his own spoon and he puts it in his mouth trying to feed himself -so cute.
• Starting to hold his bottle.
• He has completely figured out his exersaucer. He knows what things play music and light up and how to press them to do it, he knows how to turn himself completely around in it and grab at all the other things.
• Sleeping in his own crib in his own room through the night :)
• Understands "Daddy" and "Dada" and smiles so big when I say it.
• Loves, and I mean loves watching videos of Zak and of him and Zak and gets upset with me when they are over.
• He can sit unsupported for about a minute! -When he gets really excited he pushes himself back hehe.
• Annnnnnd he has his 1st tooth coming in!

So many little changes going on with him and I am very excited for them all!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I love you baby!


to the monster star and back

Never Forget 9.11.2001

"The planes were hijacked, the buildings fell, and thousands of lives were lost nearly a thousand miles from here. But the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were an attack on the heart of America.
And standing here in the heartland of America, we say in one voice
We will not give in to terrorists;
We will not rest until they are found and defeated;
We will win this struggle not for glory, nor wealth, nor power, but for justice, for freedom, and for peace;
So help us God."
--Tom Harkin

"America is a national full of good fortune, with so much to be grateful for. But we are not spared from suffering. In every generation, the world has produced enemies of human freedom. They have attacked America, because we are freedom's home and defender. And the commitment of our fathers is now the calling of our time" 

President George W. Bush

September 14, 2001

 

"The attacks of September 11th were intended to break our spirit. Instead we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined than ever to live our lives in freedom."

Rudolph W. Giuliani

Mayor of the City of New York

December 31, 2001

 "So what do we do?
Don't overreact some say. We aren't.
We haven't lashed out. No missiles on the first night just for effect.
Don't kill innocent people. We are not the ones who waged war on the innocent. We seek the guilty.

Look for a diplomatic solution. There is no diplomacy with Bin Laden or the Taliban regime.
State an ultimatum and get their response. We stated the ultimatum; they haven't responded. 

Understand the causes of terror. Yes, we should try, but let there be no moral ambiguity about this: nothing could ever justify the events of 11 September, and it is to turn justice on its head to pretend it could.
The action we take will be proportionate; targeted; we will do all we humanly can to avoid civilian casualties. But understand what we are dealing with. Listen to the calls of those passengers on the planes. 

Think of the children on them, told they were going to die. 

Think of the cruelty beyond our comprehension as amongst the screams and the anguish of the innocent, those hijackers drove at full throttle planes laden with fuel into buildings where tens of thousands worked.

They have no moral inhibition on the slaughter of the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000 does anyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it? 

There is no compromise possible with such people, no meeting of minds, no point of understanding with such terror.

Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated by it. And defeat it we must."
--British Prime Minister Tony Blair

 "Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger."
--George W. Bush

"War has been waged against us by stealth and deceit and murder. This nation is peaceful, but fierce when stirred to anger. This conflict was begun on the timing and terms of others. It will end in a way, and at an hour, of our choosing. "
--George W. Bush, Speech at National Cathedral, September 14, 2001

"America has its faults as a society, as we have ours.
But I think of the Union of America born out of the defeat of slavery. 

I think of its Constitution, with its inalienable rights granted to every citizen still a model for the world.

I think of a black man, born in poverty, who became chief of their armed forces and is now secretary of state Colin Powell and I wonder frankly whether such a thing could have happened here.

I think of the Statue of Liberty and how many refugees, migrants and the impoverished passed its light and felt that if not for them, for their children, a new world could indeed be theirs.

I think of a country where people who do well, don't have questions asked about their accent, their class, their beginnings but have admiration for what they have done and the success they've achieved.
 I think of those New Yorkers I met, still in shock, but resolute; the fire fighters and police, mourning their comrades but still head held high."
--British Prime Minister Tony Blair

"Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

President George W. Bush

September 11, 2001

"This is a day when all Americans, from every walk of life, unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yes, we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world. Thank you. Good night, and God Bless America."

President Geroge W. Bush

September 11, 2001

10 Hours

There's ten hours between us tonight
And I feel like my heart will break
Cause it's been way too long
Since I've last seen your face
What I'd give if you were here with me now
And I was lost in your touch
If I know my heart
There's nothing I've ever wanted so much

But to love you
Just to love you
It's all I wanna do

There's ten hours between us tonight
And I feel like I could die
But all the pain would just 
Go away if I could look in your eyes

And love you
Just love you
It's all I wanna do

Cause I know you're the one
That I've been praying for
I could love you for a thousand years
And wish for a thousand more

There's ten hours between us tonight
But tonight can only last so long
By twelve o'clock tomorrow baby
You'll be here in my arms

And I'll hold you close to my heart
And I pray you feel my love
Until that day when time or space
Will never again separate us

And I'll love you
Oh, I'll love you
It's all I'll ever do
Cause I know you're the one
It just feels so right
Would it be ok with you
If I loved you for the rest of my life 

10 Hours: Warren Barfield 

...That song...man does that song tug at my heart and pull the tears right out...

God I miss him.

I miss him so much.

Today is just one of those days...I would give anything to have him here with me.

I got to talk to Zak today, which made for a good day, but we were both having a hard deployment day today so it seems. For about 5 minutes of talking to him I cried tears of happiness and sadness. What you say? Yes, both. I told my husband that I really missed his voice and he proceeded to tell me all of the things he misses about me, Grayson and our life together when he was home. Can you see how and why that would make for a smile and for a tear? In a strange way it made me so happy to hear what he was missing about me and our life together because the things he was saying, were the exact things that I think about and miss on a daily basis, so it made me happy to know that we are still in such complete and total sync even half a world away. But it also brought sadness because he is just that -half a world away, and even though I miss him so terribly much, it breaks my heart to pieces when he has hard days and misses us so much. I would give anything to take away his pain and sadness on those days. I know the pain I feel with missing him and I know how unbearable it can be at times, but I cannot begin to imagine how his heart must ache to be in such a Catch 22. He is doing what he loves, what he is good at...he lives, bleeds and breathes for it...he is one hell of a soldier...but at the same time, it makes him have to be away from what he loves, what he lives for and what he breathes for -us- but we are part of the reason he does what he does....because he is one hell of a husband and father...he is just one hell of a human being. So I cannot imagine the pull at his heart to miss us so much and wanting to be home, but at the same time wanting to stay and fight the fight to defend all that we hold dear. He is over there for reasons no one will know -as with every soldier- but he is also over there to defend Americas freedom, to find justice for what happened on the tragic day of 9/11...but on a more personal level he is over there for the ones that he loves most in the world to make sure we can continue to live our lives without fear and live the "lavishness that is America" as Ben Stein would say, and to also defend the honor of the men he has lost personally...and for all of those things and more, I could never imagine the place it puts him to have to leave his family and I truly admire and respect my husband for that.

As I said before, he is one hell of a soldier, father, husband and one hell of a human being.

I love you baby. Stay strong and stay safe.

until the end of all time

Grammy Update :) (Day 42)

Thank you everyone for all of the prayers for my Grammy -they truly helped!

I got an update today from my Aunt who has been at the hospital with Grammy and said that the surgery went very well, the doctors said that her tissue was in much greater condition this time (which is wonderful) and that metabollically she was doing much better. They did have to take out a portion of her small intestine, which you never want to have to do but leaving it there would have been worse.

She was moved from ICU into a room and they gave her popsicles and jello...etc which is a HUGE step up from a very restricted ice chip diet.

The doctor said, the same as before, if she can go 14 days without any problems then we should be in the clear.

So keep the prayers coming! Still have a long road ahead but she is a strong lady and I have great belief she will make it right through this!

New Clothes for Grayson!

I almost forgot!

When we got home from The Little Gym there was a package waiting on the front door step from Zak!

I knew he was sending something for Grayson and I knew it was going to be some clothes but I had no idea what kind of clothes ---- Zak got Grayson Ralph Lauren clothes and they are so freaking adorable! He looks JUST like Zak in them, yes I put on each shirt and the jeans so I could take pictures to show Zak and to upload on here. They are size 9 Month but I put him in them for pictures anyway :) I can't wait for him to grow a bit more and the weather start to cool down a little so he can wear them!

There is a little girl next door, Stella, who is about 6 months older than Grayson but she is super cute, we call her Graysons girlfriend, so this will definitely impress her I think ;)

Zak, you are amazing, his little clothes are awesome, I cant wait for you to get home and you and Grayson to wear semi matching clothes and be studs together! We love it all!!!

Here are some photos:

Thank you so much Zak! Grayson looks so handsome and like such a big boy! We love you so incredibly much baby! 

to the monster star and back

The Little Gym (Day 41)

Today was Grayson's first day of class at The Little Gym!

We signed up for the parent/child development and fun class twice a week.

The class for his age group is called the "Bugs" class which I thought was very funny and awesome at the same time because ever since Zak and I found out I was pregnant we nicknamed Grayson "Bug" until we found out if he was a boy or a girl, and then it just stuck so when I found out the name of the class I said "Perfect!" :)

Our teacher Miss Ray was wonderful, she was very fun and super helpful.

Grayson got a little fussy with a few things but then he got use to it and really enjoyed himself.

He made 2 new friends, Luke and Callion. Luke is 2 months older and Callion is only 9 days younger, both super cute little boys and I cant wait to get to know them and their mothers more!

It was such a fun time but I just kept thinking about Zak and how much I wished he could be there to see Grayson on his first day of class -but then I was reminded by people that even if he was home he would have to be at work so he probably would not get to go anyway, but still, it would be different because Zak would get to come home and I could tell him all about it and show him what we learned and he would be excited with us :) :(

Just another bittersweet event.

I am hoping that I will get to know the mothers in the class pretty well and we can all to play dates outside of class once Grayson and Callion start to crawl (Luke is already there). Lukes Mom was telling me how wonderful the Fort Worth Zoo is especially once it starts to cool down into fall so I am thinking of asking them once it does start to actually cool down if they (and anyone else who joins the class) want to all go to the Zoo together one day -that would be fun!

Each week is a different "theme" to the class so even though we will be going again on Friday with the same theme as today, I cant wait for each new theme!

to the monster star and back 

Prayers for Grammy (Day 34)

My Grandmother -Grammy as we call her- has been in the hospital for about a month,if not longer and needs all the prayers we can give her.

She went in for a colonoscopy because she was losing weight and the doctor said there was a kink due to a mesh that was placed years back from a prior surgery and the mesh had attached itself to the bowl and caused the kink. Well he bowl was is such bad shape apparently that it was knicked and caused leakage so they had to go in and do surgery. The fixed it, or so they thought and sent her to  a rehab facility...well to not make this a long novel, she was taken out of the nursing home/rehab facility due to poor treatment and also had to have 2 other bowl resection surgeries after that because of holes in her bowl. This was hard to repair and hard to keep her tissue in tact because the doctors said sewing her tissue was like trying to sew something the consistency of wet toilet paper......not good.

She has had drains in to drain the fluid and drain the bowl to keep it from entering her abdomen, she has not been allowed food for weeks now, only a very small amount of ice chips and they finally gave her a "shake" type of drink but now because she has had high fevers and the drainage is not slowing down they have put her on very a restricted ice chip diet yet again. They have tried many different things for Grammy to try to fix all of this and make her well again but her tissue is just not holding up strong enough for everything to repair and heal properly.

She has been up and down, good days and bad days for a little over a week but is now having to go into her 4th surgery this Friday.

If this surgery does not prove to help anything, this will be it, there is nothing else the doctors can do and they will suggest she go to hospice....not at all the out come any of us want. Grammy does not know that yet I have been told.

...My Uncle died a year ago due to cancer and it was a long and hard battle -this was my mothers brother as Grammy is my Mothers Mom...

Anyway, while my Uncle was going through his first surgery my Aunt Lorna told him she would give him $100 if he made it through the surgery and my Mom would give him another $100 when he was able to go home....I guess this "bribe" if you want to call it that was a good motive for my Uncle and he made it home, and every surgery after, he expected this motivational bribe. Well my Aunt has decide to do a bit of the same thing but this time she told Grammy if she made it through this surgery and made it through her recovery then next year when she is completely healed and healthy again she will take her on a cruise any where she wants to go ---Grammy said she wants to go to Hawaii...hopefully this will prove to be yet again, a very good medical motivator as it was before. My Aunt said, this was the biggest medical "bribe" yet but completely worth every bit of it.

Grammy spirits have been up and down a lot lately -can you expect anything different? I could not imagine what she must be going through. I do imagine she is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and I just pray that she stays positive and keeps the fight in her. It is pretty close to a miracle that at her age and how fragile she is that she has made it through 3 surgeries and is still going, so I hope and I pray she keeps that fight alive in her and makes it through this next surgery.

She is never alone at the hospital, either my Mom, or my Aunt Lorna or Aunt Stephanie are there in shifts even through the nights, my sister and my cousin Melissa have taken a couple of "shifts" to be there with her and Grayson and I have been up a few times to visit her but the doctors say to not bring Grayson up that often because of risk of him getting sick from anything in the hospital so I havent been able to visit as much as others which makes me sad but I am also not as good at handling it as everyone else and when I do visit I am very quiet, not meaning to be rude but I just do not know what to say or do because I am scared for her and sad for her and my family ....I wrote about that in a post when she got out of her first surgery and I visited her on that I just do not know how to handle it and I know if Zak were here, he would be so much better at this....

...Anyway, I know it makes her really happy when we do visit though because she gets to see Grayson and I told her last time I was there that she needed to get better so she could hold him again and she said, "I'm trying..I'm trying real hard" :(

I could go on and on about this but please, just please pray for Grammy that she makes it through her surgery on Friday, that she surgery proves to have worked, that no other surgeries are needed and she makes a full recovery.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9