The first 48 hours, are some of the hardest hours that I will encounter for the next year. I am now in Texas, with my family who are an amazing support system for me but I am just not okay with this right now. This is deployment #2 for us, should seem a little easier yes? ...No...still sucks -pardon my lack of a better word. I just want my husband to be here and look at me the way he does... the look that says "I know you are hurting, I know you are scared but I promise this will be okay, you are a strong woman". The way we look at each other, I swear its like we have a secret that no one else knows and that no one else ever will. It's something that is our own and I am going to miss that look. This might sound cheesy, but it was beautiful and always brought me weak at the knees.
Every morning Zak would wake up around 3:30am-3:45am to get ready for work....yes very early but he would rather be an hour early than a minute late, one of the many things that makes me love him, he is so dedicated to his work...well anyway, my son now has an internal alarm clock to wake up at the same time his Daddy does in the morning...except Daddy isn't here. Now, when Grayson wakes up, and I wake up, I am not turning off Zaks alarm clock, helping him find what he needs for the day and kissing him before he leaves for work. Instead we wake up, without him by my side, in a place that is not our home and stomach in knots. I do not get to kiss him off to work knowing he will be home late that evening and I do not get to see him give our son kisses on his head saying "bye buddy I love you"....that first morning kiss and seeing him with his son before he goes to work was something that I cherished so much. Priceless.
I miss so many things about the way our life was when we were together and I miss every little thing about him. I will not attempt to write about them all in only one blog because it would never end, but believe me, I am sure there will be many blogs where I vent about something in particular that I am missing that day.
I know this may seem dramatic, its only been 48 hours...but these 48 hours are the time where I am still processing that this has all really begun, and the countdown for the next 12 months of missing my husband has started.
I will probably say this in just about every post, but please keep my husband and the rest of the men with him in your hearts and prayers.
"...until the end of all time"
31 July 2010
29 July 2010
...here we go again...
My heart hurts.
Today was the last time I will see my husband for what is going to feel like an eternity.
I don't quite know what to type or how to type so forgive me if this is messy and redudent at times...I am a mess so my writing might be as well.
It hasn't even been a day and I am a mess. I knew this would be hard, and I knew I was going to miss him, but I didn't know I would have a level 5 meltdown once he walked away. I have been crying on and off all day since he left. It is almost midnight and I do not want to go to sleep. If I go to sleep, thats it, I know he will not be walking in the door from work, if I go to sleep, when I wake up, tomorrow will start day 1 of deployment, and that means he really is gone. I feel sick, my eyes are heavy and my head hurts from being emotionally exhausted today. He loves his job and he was ready to deploy, but I know he did not want to leave behind me and Grayson.
In the last minutes we had together, he was holding Grayson, talking to him and soaking up his final Daddy/Son moments and tears just started rolling down his face and my heart broke.We held each other, crying and giving out last kiss until we see him for R&R. I know it must have felt as if his heart was ripping out of his chest when he had to walk away from me and Grayson. 
He hates leaving me when I am crying, it tears him up, so I can only imagine what today did to him. He is a strong man, the strongest man I know and he will do just fine. He will process leaving, just as I will process him leaving. He will get his game face on and knock this deployment out and come back and even stronger, better man...if that is even possible <3 I am still going to miss him terribly and worry for his safety constantly. He is my other half, and this hurts more than I ever thought possible.
When Zak walked away, I was crying and looked down at Grayson and said, "it's just me and you now buddy" and one of the ladies there took a picture as I said it. I had no idea until she posted this up.
I love him so much. Words cannot describe it. He is my other half, as I am his. We are best friends. The love we share is so special, so unique. I am sure everyone says that about the love they have with someone, but I can feel it in my gut and in my heart that what we have is unlike anything anyone has ever known. We have our ups and our downs and our fights and our big fights, we have our off days and our moments but no matter what life has thrown at us, is has never altered anything about us. We fight, and no matter how mean we get, we talk it all out and make up without any damage or scars. We know each other, inside and out, backwards and forwards. We know how to handle one another and can be 200% ourselves with one another. Serious or so silly, and we love being silly.
He is the only person who completely gets me. He understands me and I understand him. We can read each other so well. We are so comfortable sitting in complete silence with each other because most of the time we do not need words, we know what the other is thinking or feeling because we can feel it in ourselves. We finish each others sentences and thoughts. I really think we would be lost without each other...which is why I know this next year is going to be very hard.
Zak makes my life comfortable, he makes my world easier. He is more than I could have ever dreamed of.
We have been through one deployment and he made it home safe and sound and he was an angel last deployment, doing anything and everything he could to make me feel more at ease and I know he will try to do the same this time with the time and resources that are available to him. I know if I just stay busy it will fly by...but I am terrified it wont. All the sudden it hits me....a year...12 months...365 days....that is so long. And I am screaming inside "come back!".
I told myself I would be strong. And I made a promise to Zak that I would be strong. So I will. I will be strong. But for today I want to be sad, I want to cry and I want to process because my heart hurts so terribly.
It will probably take me a few days to get back on my feet..but I will. And I will hold my head up, stay strong for myself, my son and my husband, and know that each day is one day closer to his return.
If you are reading this Zak, don't worry about me, don't worry that I am not handling this well. I will be just fine, you know me, I just need to get this out and process and be sad for a bit and then I will push forward. I cannot wait to hear from you. Stay strong baby, be brave, be smart, stay safe, kick butt and get back home to us.
We are waiting ..."until the end of all time".
I love you - "to the monster star and back" :)
Mira
Today was the last time I will see my husband for what is going to feel like an eternity.
I don't quite know what to type or how to type so forgive me if this is messy and redudent at times...I am a mess so my writing might be as well.
It hasn't even been a day and I am a mess. I knew this would be hard, and I knew I was going to miss him, but I didn't know I would have a level 5 meltdown once he walked away. I have been crying on and off all day since he left. It is almost midnight and I do not want to go to sleep. If I go to sleep, thats it, I know he will not be walking in the door from work, if I go to sleep, when I wake up, tomorrow will start day 1 of deployment, and that means he really is gone. I feel sick, my eyes are heavy and my head hurts from being emotionally exhausted today. He loves his job and he was ready to deploy, but I know he did not want to leave behind me and Grayson.
In the last minutes we had together, he was holding Grayson, talking to him and soaking up his final Daddy/Son moments and tears just started rolling down his face and my heart broke.We held each other, crying and giving out last kiss until we see him for R&R. I know it must have felt as if his heart was ripping out of his chest when he had to walk away from me and Grayson. 
He hates leaving me when I am crying, it tears him up, so I can only imagine what today did to him. He is a strong man, the strongest man I know and he will do just fine. He will process leaving, just as I will process him leaving. He will get his game face on and knock this deployment out and come back and even stronger, better man...if that is even possible <3 I am still going to miss him terribly and worry for his safety constantly. He is my other half, and this hurts more than I ever thought possible.
When Zak walked away, I was crying and looked down at Grayson and said, "it's just me and you now buddy" and one of the ladies there took a picture as I said it. I had no idea until she posted this up.
I love him so much. Words cannot describe it. He is my other half, as I am his. We are best friends. The love we share is so special, so unique. I am sure everyone says that about the love they have with someone, but I can feel it in my gut and in my heart that what we have is unlike anything anyone has ever known. We have our ups and our downs and our fights and our big fights, we have our off days and our moments but no matter what life has thrown at us, is has never altered anything about us. We fight, and no matter how mean we get, we talk it all out and make up without any damage or scars. We know each other, inside and out, backwards and forwards. We know how to handle one another and can be 200% ourselves with one another. Serious or so silly, and we love being silly.
He is the only person who completely gets me. He understands me and I understand him. We can read each other so well. We are so comfortable sitting in complete silence with each other because most of the time we do not need words, we know what the other is thinking or feeling because we can feel it in ourselves. We finish each others sentences and thoughts. I really think we would be lost without each other...which is why I know this next year is going to be very hard.
Zak makes my life comfortable, he makes my world easier. He is more than I could have ever dreamed of.
We have been through one deployment and he made it home safe and sound and he was an angel last deployment, doing anything and everything he could to make me feel more at ease and I know he will try to do the same this time with the time and resources that are available to him. I know if I just stay busy it will fly by...but I am terrified it wont. All the sudden it hits me....a year...12 months...365 days....that is so long. And I am screaming inside "come back!".
I told myself I would be strong. And I made a promise to Zak that I would be strong. So I will. I will be strong. But for today I want to be sad, I want to cry and I want to process because my heart hurts so terribly.
It will probably take me a few days to get back on my feet..but I will. And I will hold my head up, stay strong for myself, my son and my husband, and know that each day is one day closer to his return.
If you are reading this Zak, don't worry about me, don't worry that I am not handling this well. I will be just fine, you know me, I just need to get this out and process and be sad for a bit and then I will push forward. I cannot wait to hear from you. Stay strong baby, be brave, be smart, stay safe, kick butt and get back home to us.
We are waiting ..."until the end of all time".
I love you - "to the monster star and back" :)
Mira
25 July 2010
"The Greatest is Love"
Zak wrote this for me tonight. As the deployment date draws near, we are fighting back the tears every minute and our hearts are slowly breaking knowing the rough road ahead of us but Zak is so strong and it helps me to stay positive and strong even though at times I am a complete disaster. But he wrote this because he says no matter how much I cry or how weak I feel, I am so strong and he knows that without a doubt. He said something to me that will stick with me, forever. He said, "do you know why I chose you to be my wife? because even though you were broken when we met, you were and still are stronger than any woman I have ever known". So simple but wow, so powerful to me.
Anyway, enough rambling...here is the poem my amazing husband wrote for me:
military wives are one of a kind
racing the clock and chasing the time
fighting the fate that is seemingly clear
stifling the break as deployment draws near
she is your courage, your power, your strength
no matter the distance, the danger, or length
she knows what your thinking when you try to lie
backing you up when your wanting to cry
facing the facts that we all know are true
helping the ones who are without clue
she is the best and you'll never get better
she'll have your back if you'll only just let her.
Zakary D Faircloth
Anyway, enough rambling...here is the poem my amazing husband wrote for me:
military wives are one of a kind
racing the clock and chasing the time
fighting the fate that is seemingly clear
stifling the break as deployment draws near
she is your courage, your power, your strength
no matter the distance, the danger, or length
she knows what your thinking when you try to lie
backing you up when your wanting to cry
facing the facts that we all know are true
helping the ones who are without clue
she is the best and you'll never get better
she'll have your back if you'll only just let her.
Zakary D Faircloth
01 July 2010
SGT Faircloth!
Today was a great day. Today my husband got promoted to SGT (Sergeant). YAY!
He has been working very hard towards this and deserves it completely. I am so very proud of him.
Zak is going to be such a great leader and if I were one of his soldiers I would feel 100% confident under his leadership during deployment (and not just saying that because he is my husband). Zak is completely devoted to the guys in hit unit and bringing them home. While I was pregnant I broke down hysterically about deployment, crying begging him to change units...do something, not to go because I had the worst feeling in the world about this coming deployment and he told me, "I cannot abandon my guys. I have to bring them home." He would give up his life for another in his Troop and that is so admirable, but also terrifying at times because, just like every other wife in the military, I want my husband to come home.
There is a quote from Greys Anatomy: "You know in the movies, how there's always the hero and then there's the other guy? You know, the guy who sees danger, and then runs in the opposite direction? ..Be the other guy."
That is exactly how I use to feel, and I will admit, I still do feel that way because I want my husband to watch our son grow up, I want our son to grow up wanting to be "just like daddy" and I want to grow old with my husband. But I also know, he IS a hero, he is NOT the other guy. He would rather die in combat knowing he saved others lives, then have a split second thought of being the other guy and others get harmed or killed. It would not happen. That is why he is going to be such a great leader over there. And that is one of the many reasons why I love my husband so much.
I could go on and on contridicting myself on how I want him to come home, but I want him to be the soldier and hero he is....but I believe you can have both. He can be that hero, save lives, be a great leader, "dismount before death", but still come home. I truly believe that, and that bad feeling I once had about this coming deployment, I don't have so much anymore. I have confidence in my husband, confident in the other NCO's and Officers and confidence in the lower enlisted to trust and listen to those above them.
Anyway....
Along with Zak, three of our other friends got promoted to SGT as well so I want to congratulate SGT Thompson, SGT Brumfield and SGT Macmillian -this now completes the E4 Mafia is now the E5 Mafia. Give 'em hell boys :p
He has been working very hard towards this and deserves it completely. I am so very proud of him.
Zak is going to be such a great leader and if I were one of his soldiers I would feel 100% confident under his leadership during deployment (and not just saying that because he is my husband). Zak is completely devoted to the guys in hit unit and bringing them home. While I was pregnant I broke down hysterically about deployment, crying begging him to change units...do something, not to go because I had the worst feeling in the world about this coming deployment and he told me, "I cannot abandon my guys. I have to bring them home." He would give up his life for another in his Troop and that is so admirable, but also terrifying at times because, just like every other wife in the military, I want my husband to come home.
There is a quote from Greys Anatomy: "You know in the movies, how there's always the hero and then there's the other guy? You know, the guy who sees danger, and then runs in the opposite direction? ..Be the other guy."
That is exactly how I use to feel, and I will admit, I still do feel that way because I want my husband to watch our son grow up, I want our son to grow up wanting to be "just like daddy" and I want to grow old with my husband. But I also know, he IS a hero, he is NOT the other guy. He would rather die in combat knowing he saved others lives, then have a split second thought of being the other guy and others get harmed or killed. It would not happen. That is why he is going to be such a great leader over there. And that is one of the many reasons why I love my husband so much.
I could go on and on contridicting myself on how I want him to come home, but I want him to be the soldier and hero he is....but I believe you can have both. He can be that hero, save lives, be a great leader, "dismount before death", but still come home. I truly believe that, and that bad feeling I once had about this coming deployment, I don't have so much anymore. I have confidence in my husband, confident in the other NCO's and Officers and confidence in the lower enlisted to trust and listen to those above them.
Anyway....
Along with Zak, three of our other friends got promoted to SGT as well so I want to congratulate SGT Thompson, SGT Brumfield and SGT Macmillian -this now completes the E4 Mafia is now the E5 Mafia. Give 'em hell boys :p
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