Fhew.
My Mom and a few of her friends had the fantastic idea to bake all kinds of cookies and send them over to the guys of my Zak's Troop for a little holiday treat. There were 10 of us ladies, all baked a different kind of cookie or holiday treat....the kitchen still smells like sugar, peanut butter and fresh treats :)
We will be sending these treats out tomorrow!
As many of you have learned, I am care package obsessed. It has been almost 4 months, and I have already sent out 30 care packages ---not including however many packages these holiday treats will equal. So when my Mom told me of this idea, I was on board right away! I am so excited for the guys to get these treats, I just hope they all make it there safely and still fresh *fingers crossed*.
As I am writing this, I am telling two of the other wives from our Troop that I am TRYING to make my blogs not so sad and that I will do my best on this one.....but, sorry ladies....we are about to get sad.
Even though the evening was fun filled with all the ladies, wine, mimosas and all the tasty treats you could think of....I got sad out of no where.
I went out to the back patio of my parents house and was holding Grayson rocking on the rocking bench out there. Just me and him, nice and quite and peaceful, looking inside at all of these wonderful ladies putting time into something special for men they have never met (with the exception of Zak), all sitting around, coming together, laughing and having a great time with the Christmas music playing, and the tears just started streaming down my face. Not a big cry face, just the silent tears....yeah I know, those are the worst right....but I couldnt help it. It was such a fun gathering, but I kept thinking in my head, "this is so wonderful, so sweet.....but this wouldnt be going on if he wasnt away...but he is away....and this is one of the few things we can do to show we are thinking of them and caring about each of them...."
And then my brain went into a different place...
It hit me...the holidays without my husband.....
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (all of Grayson's first) and my birthday, all in the next 2 months...without him and ....I lost it.
Ugh.
There is this quote,
"all I want is to find him outside my window on Christmas morning, holding a sign that says, "Santa Forgot One"
...that is how I feel.
That is all I want for Christmas. I want my husband. Home. Please and Thank You.
I know there are only 4 more months to go until I get to see him again...and I know I know...I am the one who said a few blogs ago that I have made it 4 months so far, so the next 4 months will be cake.
My blogs, I'm allowed to change how I feel if I want to :p
In all serious, I still feel that way, still positive with that outlook, but sheesh I would like the next 4 months to come and go in the next 4 days...that would be nice huh.
If I complain for the next month or so...just bare with me okay, the holidays are going to make me a bit more sad than usual because...well, its the holidays, and instead of my husband being home with his little boy, he has to be over in the most terrible place you can be in right now...and that breaks my heart :(
I miss you baby, and next Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday and New Years are going to be twice as amazing. Hang in there with me! We love you!
until the end of all time <3
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