Positively Positive...Got A Problem With That?

Today I was given a great compliment from a fellow follower of the FB Page and the blog you are currently reading.

She said:

"You have a wonderful spirit. I wish I could share your energy and positive attitude with families I know. I know there are sad, frustrating moments but I love reading your take on the ups and downs."

This really meant a lot as she is a professional in the Autism and Special Needs community. 

However, sometimes I worry about my oh so positive attitude as I know some people do not take well to it and others think I am putting on a facade so they do not like following my page...or...my favorite, they think I don't have it "tough enough" because it seems like all I post are positive things.

I just want to address this a little bit because it is a little bothersome...

I am generally a positive person with tons and tons of energy, however, not everything is skittles and sunshine all of the time but I really believe life it what you make it, and everything situation is what you make it and a negative attitude and outlook never helped anyone...especially when shown in front of children. 

I have some pretty decent anxiety issues and worry about things like you wouldn't believe so usually the "bad days" are my bad days where I just over think waaaaay too much.

I'll be honest, Grayson does not have very many "bad days" but I know that could change in an instant, so I cherish every good day...no, I cherish every good moment...is that so wrong? I don't think so. 

But let's do talk about the "bad days" for a moment....

When Grayson does have bad days and bad moments, they are very much alike the rest of the fellow SN Parents I read about...he can get aggressive and have a "meltdown" where there isn't anything I can do to help but just sit down and watch him work through it because touching him doesn't help most of the time and then I take every fiber of my being and try my damnedest not to cry...Do you know what it feels like to have to do that? Most children throw "tantrums" over things that are not going their way, and the tantrums can be pretty serious don't get me wrong, but you can talk to a NT kid and explain to them why they are not getting their way and that they need to calm down, or that they will go to time-out...Granted, SN/Autistic children can throw a tantrum too over things like not being allowed to play with the iPad at that moment (using an example from Grayson).... but other times, they have what we call "meltdowns" where they just shut down and you really really do not know what...Imagine your child's temper tantrum....and then times it by a number unimaginable.... that's a meltdown....and there is really nothing you can do to help...at least in my experience so far, I have not figured out what helps Grayson.

For example a couple of weeks ago:

Grayson and I were just playing around, having fun and then he suddenly just sort of shut down and every little thing seemed to upset him. It was not that he wasn't getting his way because the iPad was no where in sight for him to be requesting it, I was not keeping him from going outside to play, I wasn't keeping anything from him so that was the first thing I tried...to give him things he may want that maybe I didn't catch onto...the iPad....threw it....Tried to take him to the door to go outside, he just pulled my hair and when I sat him down he just sat down, head down and crying then hit the doors....Tried to give him a drink...a snack...just threw them and cried more....I thought he may be more tired that I thought so I tried to lay him down...seemed to help for a moment but he was wanting to lay down a particular way with the pillows sorted in a specific way that I wasn't getting...which only upset him more...my chance to calm him most likely past due to the communication barrier we have.... so he began to throw anything and everything he could find and was just crying in a way I have yet to see and became a little aggressive with himself and if I tried to help by giving him a hug or picking him up or just trying to apply pressure to his shoulders or chest....then I got scratched and my hair pulled....I thought maybe turning the tv off and lights off would help calm him...maybe there was just "too much" going on around him.... maybe he was thrown off because school had just ended for the summer so his routine and schedule was very different....my brain was racing on what could be going on but all I knew is that I...I was not helping.....so I just sat down....I sat down and just watched my favorite little person on the planet just cry and flail over something I couldn't understand....this went on and on and on.....I wanted to cry so badly but I didn't want him to see so I pushed it down and pushing it down made me feel sick to my stomach because I was so helpless and didn't know what was making him so overwhelmed.

It seemed like forever that this lasted but I'm sure it wasn't THAT long but I decided to try to just give him his space and a place that was just his and quite so I took him to his room and put him in his crib and sure enough...he calmed right down and eventually went to sleep....

It's heartbreaking... it really is...to see your child go through that and feel so helpless to them.... That... was not a good day.... The rest of the day was very similar.....But we worked through it and picked ourselves up and moved forward and I tried to remain calm...and breathe.... 

Our children do not mean to hurt themselves, or us.. they do not want to have meltdowns... they do not want to get so overwhelmed or overstimulated that they can't just enjoy their day... it is not what they want to do...but how would you feel if you were them... take a moment to think about what we think is going on inside their minds and bodies.... and with the little bit that we can try to think we know... imagine how you would feel and ask yourself how it would make you act/react? We all get overwhelmed and overstimulated at times but we have the cognitive understanding and communication ability to know how to calm ourselves in a manner unlike they do...that is their only way of getting out that energy and frustration and we have to be understanding of that and just try to learn from it each and every time and what may have triggered it, what chain of events happened leading up to it...what helped, what didn't help...and try and try and try for our children to learn so the next bad day, we may be able to help just a little bit more..

So yes, for all of you wondering, we do have our bad days...I have not really shared them in the past because I was not that active on this blog but I have said it before and will say it again... I now share it all... the good days and the bad days and I apologize if there have not been any bad days to write about but for that, I am thankful. 

I know Grayson's behavior could change and he could have more bad days than good days but right now he is a very happy kid with limited amounts of bad days so for the most part you, when it comes to the "bad days" you will probably see that they are about me and my thoughts and worries in that particular moment because I do share the same concerns and anxieties of everyone else in this community. 

I will not apologize for being so positive though because Grayson makes me so positive and if I start my day off positive and positive with him then it will be harder to break my spirit no matter what the day brings.

I try to make each and every day as positive and enjoyable as I possibly can... If that means putting shoes on over pjs and going outside at 5:30 in the morning....do I have anything else to be doing? No...so we go play outside! Taking 4 baths a day because he enjoys the water? Sure! Scribbling on the lenolium floors or anything else that I know is washable? Why not, whats it hurting? Running up a small hill in our yard hand-in-hand with him then picking him up as I run down as fast as possible ending in a fun twirl...Absolutely because that is what he loves! Scanning and printing blank page after blank page because it for some reason makes him happy? Go for it! Listening to the same songs and shows over and over again? Of course because he has some connection to it that makes him happy! Taking 100+ photos on Photobooth on the Mac because he thinks it's the bees-knees? Heck yeah! Turning the tv on and off with the remote over and over again? Well sure, do I really need to be watching tv while hanging out with kiddo anyway?! Pushing the buttons on the washer dryer, home telephone, cell phone and any other form of buttons he can find? Why yes! Becaaause it makes him happy!

See an ongoing theme here?

I try to let him just be who he is and have fun with it! Does that mean he has no limits? Of course not...He is a smart kiddo and knows things he is not allowed to do and he has limits to everything just as every other child would and just like at school I have structured "play time" with him where we work on certain motor skills and verbalizing..but again...I try to make it fun and use tons and ton of positive reinforcement!

I just love letting Grayson, be Grayson, and if it's not hurting anyone or anything...then of course I'm all for it and going to have a positive attitude about it even if it is the 100th time that day we have done said activity..because it makes him happy...and I may feel helpless in several other areas of this journey but if there is one thing I know I can help with...that is his happiness! 

Grayson is an amazing kid, as are ALL of your children. I truly just try to embrace EVERYTHING and ANYTHING...even the not so good things because it shows me a little more of Grayson's personality with every little thing...so I am thankful for it all... and I couldn't be more thankful for being chosen as his mother because he has shown me an entirely different outlook on life, love, and happiness and I admire him and look up to him because he has been faced with so many struggles that I cannot even imagine what it is like for him on the inside but he remains positive and happy and enjoys life organically...He is so brave and strong and funny and smart .... He has forever changed me in the best way possible and I am so thankful for him and the lessons he has taught me already. I wouldn't change a thing. Grayson is my role model and I owe it to him to be just as brave and strong and positive and happy and funny as he is.

And when it comes to the bad days ahead... bring it on!