Happy New Year..Bring on 2011

2010 was wonderful. My son was born and that started a whole new chapter in mine and Zak's lives starting our family. I couldnt be more thankful for 2010 and I couldnt be more thankful for Zak and for Grayson. They have truly changed my life for the absolute better. My family has also been a big part of 2010 since Zak has deployed, being my support system here in the states and helping me keep it together and understanding when I cannot. I am so excited for 2011. Zak will be home this calender year and I just cannot wait for that time to come. We will be getting into a new home -hopefully becomming first time home owners :) And giving Grayson a place to play and grow and a place for us to truly call home. Grayson's 1st Birthday is in the coming months....wow...I cant believe Grayson will be 1 year old in just a few months! It is true when they say, "they grow up so fast". And in 2011 Zak will get to be home for the holidays that he missed -Halloween, which will be great because Grayson will actually be walking and we can take him out :) Thanksgiving...I told Zak I would make the best Thanksgiving dinner in the coming Thanksgiving and he replied "no no baby, its okay, I'll make it" haha, he is a much better cook that myself so that explains the comment :) I would rather eat what he cooks anyway, far better than mine. He will be here for Christmas -actual Christmas that is, and the New Years of bringing in 2012.

So bring on 2011, I am ready! I am ready for all the wonderful things.

I dont know why so many people are saying, "I cant wait for 2010 to be past me" I have had an amazing 2010, and I am sure 2011 will be just as great, and so on and so forth. I do not see how any year could be a bad one, even with deployments, when I am married to the man of my dreams and have the most amazing son in the world and absolute wonderful family and friends.

So I am sad to see 2010 leave us but am so excited for all the great things 2011 will bring in!

Happy New Year!

2011

to the monster star and back <3

Merry Christmas (Part 2)

Today is December 25th, the real Christmas Day.

6 days ago Zak and I celebrated our Christmas with Grayson since he wouldnt be here for actual Christmas, so I call today, Christmas Part 2...at least for me and Grayson.

It was a good Christmas, got some really good things that I love. The thing I love he most that I got today was a very simple silver completely hand made bracelet that has "Emily & Zak" hand stamped into it.

So simple, but when I saw it I just felt something so special, I lit up and was so thankful that my Mom found the people that made this. It was the perfect gift to bring up my spirits. I will be wearing it all the time, except for showering and sleep.

Grayson made out very well for Christmas, especially since Christmas came twice for him this year :) I would say he is set on toys and clothes for awhile ---at least until his birthday ;)

Even though today was a good day, I did do a lot of crying...I wont lie there. We got to talk to Zak right before we opened presents and then him and I got to text back and forth a bit more (his phone was still on while he was in transit) later in the day and while we were "talking" I just started crying, and I couldnt stop. I know we celebrated our Christmas together, but oh how I wanted him home today. But lets face it, its not that I just wanted him home because it is Christmas Day, I just want him home period...no matter what day it is. I just I JUST saw him but that doesnt make this any easier. It just breaks my heart knowing how sad he was to not be here today and that he had to be where he was for Christmas, not even with any of his guys...just alone amongst strangers. Made me so sad.

Okay okay, I will stop the sadness at least for this blog.

All in all it was a good Christmas Day -minus the crying. A lot of people I know are having a white Christmas and I am a bit jealous I would say :p Would have loved to have pictures of Grayson in the snow....but not this year I guess...maybe next!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas Day and Christmas Holiday. Stay warm.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

And Merry Christmas Baby, I love and miss you so much!

until the end of all time

Let the countdown begin.......again :(

As I watched Zak's plane departing from the gate and about to take off, I almost felt like everything was a dream...like there was just no way that he was leaving again. I was an absolute wreck.

Last picture of our little family before Zak boarded the plane :(

The past two weeks of this R&R have been such a blessing and I couldn't be more thankful because they were absolutely amazing --but the sadness in me feels like R&R is also a tease, not just for the families but for the soldiers as well, probably even more so. You have to separate from each other and go through the torture of the "I'll see you soon" at the beginning of deployment, and then this huge blessing comes along and the skies open again and the sun is shining back in your life and you get to be together again, and it is wonderful, and then it is ripped away from you again, reintroducing the awful feelings you had when you were separated from the start and adding more sadness because you cant believe you are having to do it again.

Do not get me wrong, I would never wish for RR to be taken away, those 2 weeks are what we as Army Wives live for the moment we have to let go on deployment day and those 2 weeks help us get through the rest of the 11 1/2 months we are without them.

I am just being sad today, and taking my sadness out on anything I can.

It never gets easier, and it never will...this I have known from the beginning, but never will I be less sad to be without him, never will I cry less or get use to him not being home. Some people may say, "sure you will, if he stays in long enough and you go through enough, youll get use to it" ...no I wont. Absolutely not. And I know that to be fact because my heart physically hurts not being with him. He is not just my husband, he is my best friend, he has been with me through so many things in my life, good and bad, even before we became a couple, he has helped me become the person I am today....there will never, never be a time that I get use to him being away. It will always be this hard and I will always be this sad. End of story.

Ugh, I am going to stop now, because this is either just going to get really sad, or turn into me ranting about things because I am sad.

I have a feeling the next blog, or two, will be very sad, so skip ahead if you wish and dont read those.

I miss you so much --it hasnt even 24 hours since you have been gone, and I just want to fall apart.

I love you.

until the end of all time 

Last Picture of me and Zak before he left :(

Best Birthday Ever :)

Today was my birthday, the big 24, but better yet, my husband is here to spend it with me and it was the most perfect day and night ever :)

We spent the majority of the day out and about with Grayson and then came home for me to get all dolled up in one of the beautiful dresses Zak bought for me. I decided to go with the red dress in the spirit of the holiday season.

Before Zak and I went to dinner I came downstairs to open a couple of presents from my parents as Zak had already given my birthday presents a couple of days before (see previous blog). I got an awesome plaid coat from my parents -I loooove plaid :p ) and the Kings of Leon cd and an awesome book from my sister :)

There was also a cookie cake for me ---have I mentioned how much I LOVE cookie cake. Its my favorite. Love love love it.

After doing my little birthday celebration at home Zak and I headed to dinner at Eddie V's Prime Seafood Restraunt. If you have an Eddie V's near you, I highly reccomend going, this place was amazing. Upscale with a great atmosphere, wonderful service and absolutely delicious food. There was not one thing I did not like about Eddie V's.

They knew it was my birthday when I got there so I kept getting Happy Birthday's all around and even got a card from the staff -something I'm sure they do for everyone but was still a very nice gesture. We started off with wine and a mixed drink for Zak and a delicious appetizer that was a little of everything so we got to try it all -and I am so glad we did because everything was amazing...calamari was a sweet and spicy mix, and the crab cake and lobster tail were to die for.

Zak got a delicious seafood entree that was the special of the house that night and I got a nice small filet mingon with scallops and Zak and I were both melting away at how delicious it all was. Zak isnt a huge steak man but he took a bite of my steak and was in heaven. Declicious meal.

Besides the great food, the night was just perfect. Sitting in an amazing restraunt, all dolled up in a beautiful dress my husband bought for me, being treated like a princess...I just felt so special. I have never had a birthday that like before. I just enjoyed the night with Zak, great conversation together and sharing a delicious dessert in the end. He had it all planned out perfectly. It wasnt just my actual birthday day and night, it was the perfect birthday dayS ---he had been doing wonderful things for days before my birthday, making sure I had everything to feel beautiful on our date, making sure I didnt have a worry in the world, that I would just enjoy everything ---and he did a perfect job of it.

I have had the most amazing day today, and the most amazing past 14 days...all adding up to today making for the best birthday ever.

Thank you for EVERYTHING baby, you have given me the most absolutely amazingly perfect past 2 weeks and birthday I could have ever asked for! 




until the end of all time <3 

Merry Early Christmas

Since Zak is home but not home long enough to be here for actual Christmas Day, we did a couple of things differently this year.

Usually my whole family comes together on Christmas Eve -aunts, uncles, cousins, grandchildren, great grandchildren, grandparents....the whole gang- and we have a family Christmas Eve get together where we eat lots of pizza and play Christmas games, usually like a "White Elephant Christmas Exchange" where each adult brings a gender neutral gift, and you draw numbers, #1 goes first obviously..#2 either picks a gift or gets to steal #1's gift....and so on and so on...and then there are fun gifts for each of the little kids and they always get SO excited for that part.

This year, since Zak wont be home on Christmas Eve, my family decided to bump it up to tonight so Zak could be a part of it, his sister and her husband and 2 little girls came as well and it was a lot of fun -craziness but fun :) 

Aside from that, Zak and I decided to do our Christmas with Grayson early as well so Zak could be a part of Grayson's very 1ts Christmas, so we did that this morning as well. Since Zak and I already exchanged gifts it was more of Grayson's Christmas Part 1 and my parents and sister had a few presents for Zak as well :)

For Grayson's 1st Christmas Zak and I got for him a bunch of fun toys...some are hard to explain so see pictures :)

One big thing he did get was a full size keyboard...yes, we DID get out 9 month old son a full size big keyboard? Why you may ask. Well here at my parents is my grandmothers old piano, that I love and play all of the time, I can read music and play by ear, I love playing the piano, and I bring Grayson to it a lot and he just bangs on the keys and plays and plays, so we got him the keyboard because it can sit on the ground where he sits, at his level and he can play and play, and as he gets older he can actually learn to play if he would like. As soon as we sat him down to it he litereally played on it for 30 minutes straight he loves it! We also got him so fun books, along with another recordable book for Zak to read.

Grayson is loving all of his toys, as I type he is playing away with 3 of his new toys at one time.

We love getting Grayson toys, but we also like to get him things that are fun but also help with learning and development, that is very important to us :) He does have some just playful toys, as every baby and child should but we try to get things that will be helpful as he grows :)

We will still be having Christmas Part 2 on Christmas Day so there are more toys for Grayson to come but today was so special to get to do Christmas with Grayson and Zak together and Zak get to see how much Grayson enjoys everything him and I got for him for his 1st Christmas.

Side note: Tomorrow is my Birthday! I cant wait to spend it with Zak and Grayson and go on a romantic Birthday Date :) :)

to the monster star and back

Words Cannot Explain

Words just cannot explain how happy I am.

Having Zak home has been more perfect than I ever could have imagined.

Just being able to be us, together, has been so wonderful.

Having him home makes me realize even more so than before, how much I have truly missed him, and how hard it is going to be to see him leave again.

Especially seeing him with Grayson, it makes my heart just light up, and then I get so miserably sad inside thinking about how sad Zak is going to be to leave him again, and yes, Grayson is only 9 months old (about) but he has been having so much fun with his Daddy, he knows exactly who he is.

When anyone says, "Grayson, where's Daddy?", he looks around and finds him, and then when he figures out where he is, and you ask him again, "Grayson, where's Daddy?" he turns and looks directly at him and just smiles so big! Oh its amazing. I just feel like Grayson is going to know he is gone when he leaves again and is going to be confused and sad, but I will do as I did before, and play all the videos and pictures....etc to make it so he gets to see his face and hear his voice daily so he doesnt have to miss him AS much.

Grayson is also saying "Dada" now which is AMAZING! Since he got his hearing aids he has been saying it every now and then. Sometimes more clear than others, but you know that is definitely what he is saying and/or trying to say.

Everything just feels right in the world with Zak home. I feel so much more at ease with everything with him home. Not wanting to be glued to my phone and my computer every minute has been so great, just having him next to me and not having to wait to see if he can get online or call....just looking next to me and there he is....brings so much peace and happiness I cant explain it.

My mind, everything about me is so much more mellow with him home, and him being home makes me be ME again....I am always me, but with him I am always more of me than I am with anyone else. We are so silly together it amazes me, I dont think anyone else could be with either of us and find us as funny as we find each other.

I have always known it, but him being home has tripled my knowing....that we are perfect for each other. Everything about us. Even our differences complement each other. I couldnt ask for a more perfect match to spend my life with.

I want to babble on and on but I have a feeling I will start getting really sappy here soon and then go from sappy to sad, so I am going to cut this off now :)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season so far!

to the monster star and back

Grayson's Hearing Aids :)

Today me, Zak and Grayson went to the Audiologist to pick up Grayson's hearing aids and get a lesson on how to put them in, take them apart, clean them...etc.

It's a little more difficult than you originally think, but I know we will be pro's at it :)

I love Grayson's Audiologist, she is so sweet and super informative, we got very lucky.

A few weeks ago, I went in with Grayson for an awake hearing screen and to get molds made of his inner ears and chose a color of the outer part of the hearing aid.

Some good news came from that appointment -Grayson's hearing loss this time showed only Mild to Moderate, where as the two he had while he was sedated that showed he Auditory Brain Response showed Moderate to Sever --- to we moved up a notch...at least so it shows with him being awake.

They think the reason why the first two were moderate to severe was because one of the tubes in his ears that he had put in to drain fluid, was closed up due to blockage of debris ---and we found this to be true with a visit to the ENT, so he gave us some drops and went back in, tube opened up and did an awake hearing screen and the results were better ---so I think the awake hearing screen showed the true results.

Anyway...back today....

We didnt chose any funky color of hearing aids, we chose brown because we have a feeling his hair will eventually turn darker brown like mine and Zaks and the Audiologist said a lot of people go with what is close to hair color because it blends better, even more so than skin tone colors and makes it where it really isnt too noticeable, and the moldings of the inner ear part are a clearish skin tone color and blend very good as well.

She said we should start to notice a lot more actual babbling and maybe even some starts of words, since he will now actually be able to hear all the softer sounds that he couldnt before and really hear things for what they are so we are excited to see the improvement!

You could definitely see an improvement right away when she put them in. He was able to hear us and respond with us speaking in much quieter volumes so I am very excited and I know Zak is :)

We will have to go back in a month to do another hearing screen to see how the hearing aids are making improvement and he will still have to be seen every 6 months to do hearing screens to make sure the hearing isnt getting any worse so continue to keep his precious little self in your thoughts and prayers :)


until the end of all time

Ink Ink Ink

Can we just start by saying....

OUCH.

Today Zak spent about 5 hours in a chair getting a half sleeve tattooed onto his arm.

It looks really really good though. It is a patriotic type of sleeve with more old school war images and symbols than new. 5 hours in without anything to ease the pain and he called it a night, which is impressive, very impressive. He will most likely be finishing the rest when he gets home for good because he will have to allow time for this first part to heal before he can finish he rest, but I think in the end it is going to all come together really well and look awesome ---it already does as it is, he could leave it as a half sleeve if he wanted, doesnt look bad at all that way, everything blends perfectly as it is :)

While he was getting his sleeve, I was finishing up my ribs, finally. I started my ribs back in 2006, added a little more in 2007, then a little more in 2009 and finally did two sessions, one a few weeks before Zak came home, and one today and finally finished it ---well for now.

Do not get me wrong, getting your ribs tattooed hurts...it just flat out sucks, nothing nice about it. Each time I go back to get more done, about 30minutes to an hour in I think in my head, "why the heck do I keep doing this when I know how much it is going to hurt" but I just keep thinking of things I want to add to the piece. Like right now, I already know of one more image I want added, but the session today sucked more than any other session I have had before so who knows when I will work up the courage to go back and finish add on lol.

I really was a baby though today and I knew it. Usually I lay there, in crazy amounts of pain, sucking it up not making a sound other than some deep breaths, but today, I was a whiny one, to say the least. I think it was the fact that one of the images not only was on my ribs but also went to my stomach slightly, and that....that part just did not feel good at all.

I know the arm isnt as bad over all as the ribs, but Zak sat through 5 hours, and I knooooow the elbow hurts and other parts of the arm suck really bad, so I give him big big props, because the longest I've ever been able to sit through one session of my ribs is 2 hours and then I am like I'M DONE!

I cant wait until Zak's starts to heal so we can see the final result and them him get home after deployment and get it touch up --it will need it after what it will go through over there-- and the upper arm finished, its going to look more awesome than it already does.

Yay for INK.

But no more for awhile. We need rest :p


to the monster star and back

Santa Does Exist! HE'S HOME!!!!

So you all know the quote that I keep putting up,

"all I want is to find him on Christmas morning, outside my window holding a sign that says, 'Santa Forgot One"

Well....close enough, HE'S HOME!!!!

I am just BURSTING with excitement!

I had no idea he was coming home until yesterday afternoon.

All of the sudden he got online and said, "I dont really have time to explain, but it would be really great if you could pick me up from the DFW airport tomorrow" and I was just in shock, I couldnt believe it, really? He would be home the next day?! Here with me?! WHAT?! I was SO excited!

He will be leaving to go back 2 days before Christmas -Boo- but he will be home for my birthday and we will definitely do an early Christmas with me, him and Grayson so he can be a part of Grayson's first Christmas!

So today I spent the day getting my hair cut and making sure I looked perfect for the first time he saw me again...his flight was supposed to get in at 3PM and got pushed back to 6PM, AH! I was just so anxious, I wanted my husband, NOW!

Then finally, the people from the USO walked up to me and told me to come with them up to the doors of the International Arrival because they would be walking through soon.

Grayson waiting for Daddy to walk through the doors!

They started blaring patriotic music on a CD player and out came 2 Soldiers and I started to get so excited, then only 1 more came, then a bunch of civilians, then 3 Soldiers, and then a bunch and finally I looked up and THERE HE WAS! I tried to stand still and wait for him to get to me, but I couldnt, not even a little bit, I ran up to him and jumped on him in front of everyone, not caring if I was blocking the path, and we didnt let go for what felt like forever.

The most amazing feeling ever. And of course, yes I cried.

Yes it has only been 5 months, but 5 months without you other half, your best friend, husband, father of your son.....is a long time so that moment I was in heaven.

Him and I walked over to where my sister was holding Grayson -Zak and I have both been wondering how this moment would go, there was a brief moment where they both gave each other this look, like checking each other out and I kept wondering if Grayson would get "stranger danger" and cry when Zak took him, or if he would actually recognize him ---I was hoping for the 2nd of the two because from the moment Zak left for deployment, I have been showing Grayson videos of Zak, of him and Zak, pictures, he has his Daddy Doll, Zak Skypes as much as he can, so in my mind I just KNEW he would know exactly who he was...

AND HE DID.

No crying, nothing. Zak took him, and Grayson went right to him --it was as if Zak never left, Grayson knew exactly who his Daddy was and laughed with him, was touching his face ---oh, yes more crying on my part.

Seeing them together again was absolutely priceless.

Tonight was everything I could have asked for.

My husband home, safe and sound. Yes only for a little while, but the next 2 weeks are going to be more amazing than most people will ever realize.

Thank you Santa (and the Army :p ) for bringing my husband home this holiday season!

to the monster star and back <3