Let the countdown begin.......again :(

As I watched Zak's plane departing from the gate and about to take off, I almost felt like everything was a dream...like there was just no way that he was leaving again. I was an absolute wreck.

Last picture of our little family before Zak boarded the plane :(

The past two weeks of this R&R have been such a blessing and I couldn't be more thankful because they were absolutely amazing --but the sadness in me feels like R&R is also a tease, not just for the families but for the soldiers as well, probably even more so. You have to separate from each other and go through the torture of the "I'll see you soon" at the beginning of deployment, and then this huge blessing comes along and the skies open again and the sun is shining back in your life and you get to be together again, and it is wonderful, and then it is ripped away from you again, reintroducing the awful feelings you had when you were separated from the start and adding more sadness because you cant believe you are having to do it again.

Do not get me wrong, I would never wish for RR to be taken away, those 2 weeks are what we as Army Wives live for the moment we have to let go on deployment day and those 2 weeks help us get through the rest of the 11 1/2 months we are without them.

I am just being sad today, and taking my sadness out on anything I can.

It never gets easier, and it never will...this I have known from the beginning, but never will I be less sad to be without him, never will I cry less or get use to him not being home. Some people may say, "sure you will, if he stays in long enough and you go through enough, youll get use to it" ...no I wont. Absolutely not. And I know that to be fact because my heart physically hurts not being with him. He is not just my husband, he is my best friend, he has been with me through so many things in my life, good and bad, even before we became a couple, he has helped me become the person I am today....there will never, never be a time that I get use to him being away. It will always be this hard and I will always be this sad. End of story.

Ugh, I am going to stop now, because this is either just going to get really sad, or turn into me ranting about things because I am sad.

I have a feeling the next blog, or two, will be very sad, so skip ahead if you wish and dont read those.

I miss you so much --it hasnt even 24 hours since you have been gone, and I just want to fall apart.

I love you.

until the end of all time 

Last Picture of me and Zak before he left :(