31 December 2010

Happy New Year..Bring on 2011

2010 was wonderful. My son was born and that started a whole new chapter in mine and Zak's lives starting our family. I couldnt be more thankful for 2010 and I couldnt be more thankful for Zak and for Grayson. They have truly changed my life for the absolute better. My family has also been a big part of 2010 since Zak has deployed, being my support system here in the states and helping me keep it together and understanding when I cannot. I am so excited for 2011. Zak will be home this calender year and I just cannot wait for that time to come. We will be getting into a new home -hopefully becomming first time home owners :) And giving Grayson a place to play and grow and a place for us to truly call home. Grayson's 1st Birthday is in the coming months....wow...I cant believe Grayson will be 1 year old in just a few months! It is true when they say, "they grow up so fast". And in 2011 Zak will get to be home for the holidays that he missed -Halloween, which will be great because Grayson will actually be walking and we can take him out :) Thanksgiving...I told Zak I would make the best Thanksgiving dinner in the coming Thanksgiving and he replied "no no baby, its okay, I'll make it" haha, he is a much better cook that myself so that explains the comment :) I would rather eat what he cooks anyway, far better than mine. He will be here for Christmas -actual Christmas that is, and the New Years of bringing in 2012.

So bring on 2011, I am ready! I am ready for all the wonderful things.
I dont know why so many people are saying, "I cant wait for 2010 to be past me" I have had an amazing 2010, and I am sure 2011 will be just as great, and so on and so forth. I do not see how any year could be a bad one, even with deployments, when I am married to the man of my dreams and have the most amazing son in the world and absolute wonderful family and friends.

So I am sad to see 2010 leave us but am so excited for all the great things 2011 will bring in!

Happy New Year!
2011

to the monster star and back <3

25 December 2010

Merry Christmas (Part 2)

Today is December 25th, the real Christmas Day.

6 days ago Zak and I celebrated our Christmas with Grayson since he wouldnt be here for actual Christmas, so I call today, Christmas Part 2...at least for me and Grayson.

It was a good Christmas, got some really good things that I love. The thing I love he most that I got today was a very simple silver completely hand made bracelet that has "Emily & Zak" hand stamped into it.

So simple, but when I saw it I just felt something so special, I lit up and was so thankful that my Mom found the people that made this. It was the perfect gift to bring up my spirits. I will be wearing it all the time, except for showering and sleep.

Grayson made out very well for Christmas, especially since Christmas came twice for him this year :) I would say he is set on toys and clothes for awhile ---at least until his birthday ;)

Even though today was a good day, I did do a lot of crying...I wont lie there. We got to talk to Zak right before we opened presents and then him and I got to text back and forth a bit more (his phone was still on while he was in transit) later in the day and while we were "talking" I just started crying, and I couldnt stop. I know we celebrated our Christmas together, but oh how I wanted him home today. But lets face it, its not that I just wanted him home because it is Christmas Day, I just want him home period...no matter what day it is. I just I JUST saw him but that doesnt make this any easier. It just breaks my heart knowing how sad he was to not be here today and that he had to be where he was for Christmas, not even with any of his guys...just alone amongst strangers. Made me so sad.

Okay okay, I will stop the sadness at least for this blog.

All in all it was a good Christmas Day -minus the crying. A lot of people I know are having a white Christmas and I am a bit jealous I would say :p Would have loved to have pictures of Grayson in the snow....but not this year I guess...maybe next!

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas Day and Christmas Holiday. Stay warm.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

And Merry Christmas Baby, I love and miss you so much!

until the end of all time

23 December 2010

Let the countdown begin.......again :(



As I watched Zak's plane departing from the gate and about to take off, I almost felt like everything was a dream...like there was just no way that he was leaving again. I was an absolute wreck.



Last picture of our little family before Zak boarded the plane :(
The past two weeks of this R&R have been such a blessing and I couldn't be more thankful because they were absolutely amazing --but the sadness in me feels like R&R is also a tease, not just for the families but for the soldiers as well, probably even more so. You have to separate from each other and go through the torture of the "I'll see you soon" at the beginning of deployment, and then this huge blessing comes along and the skies open again and the sun is shining back in your life and you get to be together again, and it is wonderful, and then it is ripped away from you again, reintroducing the awful feelings you had when you were separated from the start and adding more sadness because you cant believe you are having to do it again.

Do not get me wrong, I would never wish for RR to be taken away, those 2 weeks are what we as Army Wives live for the moment we have to let go on deployment day and those 2 weeks help us get through the rest of the 11 1/2 months we are without them.

I am just being sad today, and taking my sadness out on anything I can.

It never gets easier, and it never will...this I have known from the beginning, but never will I be less sad to be without him, never will I cry less or get use to him not being home. Some people may say, "sure you will, if he stays in long enough and you go through enough, youll get use to it" ...no I wont. Absolutely not. And I know that to be fact because my heart physically hurts not being with him. He is not just my husband, he is my best friend, he has been with me through so many things in my life, good and bad, even before we became a couple, he has helped me become the person I am today....there will never, never be a time that I get use to him being away. It will always be this hard and I will always be this sad. End of story.

Ugh, I am going to stop now, because this is either just going to get really sad, or turn into me ranting about things because I am sad.

I have a feeling the next blog, or two, will be very sad, so skip ahead if you wish and dont read those.

I miss you so much --it hasnt even 24 hours since you have been gone, and I just want to fall apart.

I love you.

until the end of all time 


Last Picture of me and Zak before he left :(

20 December 2010

Best Birthday Ever :)

Today was my birthday, the big 24, but better yet, my husband is here to spend it with me and it was the most perfect day and night ever :)

We spent the majority of the day out and about with Grayson and then came home for me to get all dolled up in one of the beautiful dresses Zak bought for me. I decided to go with the red dress in the spirit of the holiday season.

Before Zak and I went to dinner I came downstairs to open a couple of presents from my parents as Zak had already given my birthday presents a couple of days before (see previous blog). I got an awesome plaid coat from my parents -I loooove plaid :p ) and the Kings of Leon cd and an awesome book from my sister :)


There was also a cookie cake for me ---have I mentioned how much I LOVE cookie cake. Its my favorite. Love love love it.


After doing my little birthday celebration at home Zak and I headed to dinner at Eddie V's Prime Seafood Restraunt. If you have an Eddie V's near you, I highly reccomend going, this place was amazing. Upscale with a great atmosphere, wonderful service and absolutely delicious food. There was not one thing I did not like about Eddie V's.

They knew it was my birthday when I got there so I kept getting Happy Birthday's all around and even got a card from the staff -something I'm sure they do for everyone but was still a very nice gesture. We started off with wine and a mixed drink for Zak and a delicious appetizer that was a little of everything so we got to try it all -and I am so glad we did because everything was amazing...calamari was a sweet and spicy mix, and the crab cake and lobster tail were to die for.

Zak got a delicious seafood entree that was the special of the house that night and I got a nice small filet mingon with scallops and Zak and I were both melting away at how delicious it all was. Zak isnt a huge steak man but he took a bite of my steak and was in heaven. Declicious meal.

Besides the great food, the night was just perfect. Sitting in an amazing restraunt, all dolled up in a beautiful dress my husband bought for me, being treated like a princess...I just felt so special. I have never had a birthday that like before. I just enjoyed the night with Zak, great conversation together and sharing a delicious dessert in the end. He had it all planned out perfectly. It wasnt just my actual birthday day and night, it was the perfect birthday dayS ---he had been doing wonderful things for days before my birthday, making sure I had everything to feel beautiful on our date, making sure I didnt have a worry in the world, that I would just enjoy everything ---and he did a perfect job of it.

I have had the most amazing day today, and the most amazing past 14 days...all adding up to today making for the best birthday ever.



Thank you for EVERYTHING baby, you have given me the most absolutely amazingly perfect past 2 weeks and birthday I could have ever asked for! 




until the end of all time <3 

19 December 2010

Merry Early Christmas

Since Zak is home but not home long enough to be here for actual Christmas Day, we did a couple of things differently this year.

Usually my whole family comes together on Christmas Eve -aunts, uncles, cousins, grandchildren, great grandchildren, grandparents....the whole gang- and we have a family Christmas Eve get together where we eat lots of pizza and play Christmas games, usually like a "White Elephant Christmas Exchange" where each adult brings a gender neutral gift, and you draw numbers, #1 goes first obviously..#2 either picks a gift or gets to steal #1's gift....and so on and so on...and then there are fun gifts for each of the little kids and they always get SO excited for that part.

This year, since Zak wont be home on Christmas Eve, my family decided to bump it up to tonight so Zak could be a part of it, his sister and her husband and 2 little girls came as well and it was a lot of fun -craziness but fun :) 

Aside from that, Zak and I decided to do our Christmas with Grayson early as well so Zak could be a part of Grayson's very 1ts Christmas, so we did that this morning as well. Since Zak and I already exchanged gifts it was more of Grayson's Christmas Part 1 and my parents and sister had a few presents for Zak as well :)


For Grayson's 1st Christmas Zak and I got for him a bunch of fun toys...some are hard to explain so see pictures :)






One big thing he did get was a full size keyboard...yes, we DID get out 9 month old son a full size big keyboard? Why you may ask. Well here at my parents is my grandmothers old piano, that I love and play all of the time, I can read music and play by ear, I love playing the piano, and I bring Grayson to it a lot and he just bangs on the keys and plays and plays, so we got him the keyboard because it can sit on the ground where he sits, at his level and he can play and play, and as he gets older he can actually learn to play if he would like. As soon as we sat him down to it he litereally played on it for 30 minutes straight he loves it! We also got him so fun books, along with another recordable book for Zak to read.



Grayson is loving all of his toys, as I type he is playing away with 3 of his new toys at one time.

We love getting Grayson toys, but we also like to get him things that are fun but also help with learning and development, that is very important to us :) He does have some just playful toys, as every baby and child should but we try to get things that will be helpful as he grows :)

We will still be having Christmas Part 2 on Christmas Day so there are more toys for Grayson to come but today was so special to get to do Christmas with Grayson and Zak together and Zak get to see how much Grayson enjoys everything him and I got for him for his 1st Christmas.


Side note: Tomorrow is my Birthday! I cant wait to spend it with Zak and Grayson and go on a romantic Birthday Date :) :)

to the monster star and back

16 December 2010

Words Cannot Explain

Words just cannot explain how happy I am.

Having Zak home has been more perfect than I ever could have imagined.

Just being able to be us, together, has been so wonderful.

Having him home makes me realize even more so than before, how much I have truly missed him, and how hard it is going to be to see him leave again.



Especially seeing him with Grayson, it makes my heart just light up, and then I get so miserably sad inside thinking about how sad Zak is going to be to leave him again, and yes, Grayson is only 9 months old (about) but he has been having so much fun with his Daddy, he knows exactly who he is.




When anyone says, "Grayson, where's Daddy?", he looks around and finds him, and then when he figures out where he is, and you ask him again, "Grayson, where's Daddy?" he turns and looks directly at him and just smiles so big! Oh its amazing. I just feel like Grayson is going to know he is gone when he leaves again and is going to be confused and sad, but I will do as I did before, and play all the videos and pictures....etc to make it so he gets to see his face and hear his voice daily so he doesnt have to miss him AS much.

Grayson is also saying "Dada" now which is AMAZING! Since he got his hearing aids he has been saying it every now and then. Sometimes more clear than others, but you know that is definitely what he is saying and/or trying to say.

Everything just feels right in the world with Zak home. I feel so much more at ease with everything with him home. Not wanting to be glued to my phone and my computer every minute has been so great, just having him next to me and not having to wait to see if he can get online or call....just looking next to me and there he is....brings so much peace and happiness I cant explain it.

My mind, everything about me is so much more mellow with him home, and him being home makes me be ME again....I am always me, but with him I am always more of me than I am with anyone else. We are so silly together it amazes me, I dont think anyone else could be with either of us and find us as funny as we find each other.

I have always known it, but him being home has tripled my knowing....that we are perfect for each other. Everything about us. Even our differences complement each other. I couldnt ask for a more perfect match to spend my life with.

I want to babble on and on but I have a feeling I will start getting really sappy here soon and then go from sappy to sad, so I am going to cut this off now :)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season so far!

to the monster star and back

13 December 2010

Grayson's Hearing Aids :)

Today me, Zak and Grayson went to the Audiologist to pick up Grayson's hearing aids and get a lesson on how to put them in, take them apart, clean them...etc.

It's a little more difficult than you originally think, but I know we will be pro's at it :)

I love Grayson's Audiologist, she is so sweet and super informative, we got very lucky.

A few weeks ago, I went in with Grayson for an awake hearing screen and to get molds made of his inner ears and chose a color of the outer part of the hearing aid.

Some good news came from that appointment -Grayson's hearing loss this time showed only Mild to Moderate, where as the two he had while he was sedated that showed he Auditory Brain Response showed Moderate to Sever --- to we moved up a notch...at least so it shows with him being awake.

They think the reason why the first two were moderate to severe was because one of the tubes in his ears that he had put in to drain fluid, was closed up due to blockage of debris ---and we found this to be true with a visit to the ENT, so he gave us some drops and went back in, tube opened up and did an awake hearing screen and the results were better ---so I think the awake hearing screen showed the true results.

Anyway...back today....

We didnt chose any funky color of hearing aids, we chose brown because we have a feeling his hair will eventually turn darker brown like mine and Zaks and the Audiologist said a lot of people go with what is close to hair color because it blends better, even more so than skin tone colors and makes it where it really isnt too noticeable, and the moldings of the inner ear part are a clearish skin tone color and blend very good as well.

She said we should start to notice a lot more actual babbling and maybe even some starts of words, since he will now actually be able to hear all the softer sounds that he couldnt before and really hear things for what they are so we are excited to see the improvement!

You could definitely see an improvement right away when she put them in. He was able to hear us and respond with us speaking in much quieter volumes so I am very excited and I know Zak is :)

We will have to go back in a month to do another hearing screen to see how the hearing aids are making improvement and he will still have to be seen every 6 months to do hearing screens to make sure the hearing isnt getting any worse so continue to keep his precious little self in your thoughts and prayers :)


until the end of all time

11 December 2010

Ink Ink Ink

Can we just start by saying....

OUCH.

Today Zak spent about 5 hours in a chair getting a half sleeve tattooed onto his arm.

It looks really really good though. It is a patriotic type of sleeve with more old school war images and symbols than new. 5 hours in without anything to ease the pain and he called it a night, which is impressive, very impressive. He will most likely be finishing the rest when he gets home for good because he will have to allow time for this first part to heal before he can finish he rest, but I think in the end it is going to all come together really well and look awesome ---it already does as it is, he could leave it as a half sleeve if he wanted, doesnt look bad at all that way, everything blends perfectly as it is :)

While he was getting his sleeve, I was finishing up my ribs, finally. I started my ribs back in 2006, added a little more in 2007, then a little more in 2009 and finally did two sessions, one a few weeks before Zak came home, and one today and finally finished it ---well for now.

Do not get me wrong, getting your ribs tattooed hurts...it just flat out sucks, nothing nice about it. Each time I go back to get more done, about 30minutes to an hour in I think in my head, "why the heck do I keep doing this when I know how much it is going to hurt" but I just keep thinking of things I want to add to the piece. Like right now, I already know of one more image I want added, but the session today sucked more than any other session I have had before so who knows when I will work up the courage to go back and finish add on lol.

I really was a baby though today and I knew it. Usually I lay there, in crazy amounts of pain, sucking it up not making a sound other than some deep breaths, but today, I was a whiny one, to say the least. I think it was the fact that one of the images not only was on my ribs but also went to my stomach slightly, and that....that part just did not feel good at all.

I know the arm isnt as bad over all as the ribs, but Zak sat through 5 hours, and I knooooow the elbow hurts and other parts of the arm suck really bad, so I give him big big props, because the longest I've ever been able to sit through one session of my ribs is 2 hours and then I am like I'M DONE!

I cant wait until Zak's starts to heal so we can see the final result and them him get home after deployment and get it touch up --it will need it after what it will go through over there-- and the upper arm finished, its going to look more awesome than it already does.

Yay for INK.

But no more for awhile. We need rest :p


to the monster star and back

07 December 2010

Santa Does Exist! HE'S HOME!!!!

So you all know the quote that I keep putting up,

"all I want is to find him on Christmas morning, outside my window holding a sign that says, 'Santa Forgot One"

Well....close enough, HE'S HOME!!!!

I am just BURSTING with excitement!

I had no idea he was coming home until yesterday afternoon.

All of the sudden he got online and said, "I dont really have time to explain, but it would be really great if you could pick me up from the DFW airport tomorrow" and I was just in shock, I couldnt believe it, really? He would be home the next day?! Here with me?! WHAT?! I was SO excited!

He will be leaving to go back 2 days before Christmas -Boo- but he will be home for my birthday and we will definitely do an early Christmas with me, him and Grayson so he can be a part of Grayson's first Christmas!

So today I spent the day getting my hair cut and making sure I looked perfect for the first time he saw me again...his flight was supposed to get in at 3PM and got pushed back to 6PM, AH! I was just so anxious, I wanted my husband, NOW!

Then finally, the people from the USO walked up to me and told me to come with them up to the doors of the International Arrival because they would be walking through soon.
Grayson waiting for Daddy to walk through the doors!


They started blaring patriotic music on a CD player and out came 2 Soldiers and I started to get so excited, then only 1 more came, then a bunch of civilians, then 3 Soldiers, and then a bunch and finally I looked up and THERE HE WAS! I tried to stand still and wait for him to get to me, but I couldnt, not even a little bit, I ran up to him and jumped on him in front of everyone, not caring if I was blocking the path, and we didnt let go for what felt like forever.


The most amazing feeling ever. And of course, yes I cried.

Yes it has only been 5 months, but 5 months without you other half, your best friend, husband, father of your son.....is a long time so that moment I was in heaven.

Him and I walked over to where my sister was holding Grayson -Zak and I have both been wondering how this moment would go, there was a brief moment where they both gave each other this look, like checking each other out and I kept wondering if Grayson would get "stranger danger" and cry when Zak took him, or if he would actually recognize him ---I was hoping for the 2nd of the two because from the moment Zak left for deployment, I have been showing Grayson videos of Zak, of him and Zak, pictures, he has his Daddy Doll, Zak Skypes as much as he can, so in my mind I just KNEW he would know exactly who he was...

AND HE DID.

No crying, nothing. Zak took him, and Grayson went right to him --it was as if Zak never left, Grayson knew exactly who his Daddy was and laughed with him, was touching his face ---oh, yes more crying on my part.

Seeing them together again was absolutely priceless.



Tonight was everything I could have asked for.

My husband home, safe and sound. Yes only for a little while, but the next 2 weeks are going to be more amazing than most people will ever realize.

Thank you Santa (and the Army :p ) for bringing my husband home this holiday season!

to the monster star and back <3

24 November 2010

A Thank You to my Husband (Day 118)

Zak,

I know you have already read this in an email and I know some of you reading this now have read part of it on his wall...sorry, I cant help sharing with the world the love I have for my husband, but...

...in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want to thank you....

For simply being you, because everything you are, has made me into a better person. You saved me...from everything bad in my world, you came along and saved me from it all and made me stronger and braver and showed me what it was like to really truly let my guard down and love with all that I am and be loved in return for everything I am..never having to change a single thing about myself..silly, emotional, neurotic...you complement everything I am. I am so thankful for the love that we share, it is so rare and I know that there is no duplicate to the love we have. You have given me everything and more out of life that I could ask for, the most recent addition being our amazingly adorable son. I know you may not see it or think it of yourself for being far away, but you are an amazing father, and I am so thankful to God for blessing with me such a wonderful man to be the father of my son. You are so strong. You are over fighting a fight that is not your own, in a terrible place, and still have a heart of gold and passion in your voice when we speak to you. You amaze me and I couldnt be more thankful.

I keep playing the cheesy Ryan Cabrera song in my head,

"on the way down, i saw you and you saved me from myself, and i wont forget the way you love me, on the way down i almost fell right through, but i held on to you"

...makes me think of you so much because I was falling through the cracks, I was so down and you saved me from myself, from everything and no matter what was thrown our way, or what bumpy roads we came across, I always held onto you, no matter what, because I knew it was you who would change my life forever...and you did, in the most positive way possible.

Thank you, for all that you are, and loving me, for all that I am.

until the end of all time

21 November 2010

Cookies for Alpha Troop..& a little holiday sadness to throw in the mix. My apologies. (Day 115)

 74.5 dozen cookies, equaling 944 pieces and hours of baking and packaging later and we have at LEAST a dozen cookies for each soldier of Alpha Troop (my husbands Troop).



Fhew.

My Mom and a few of her friends had the fantastic idea to bake all kinds of cookies and send them over to the guys of my Zak's Troop for a little holiday treat. There were 10 of us ladies, all baked a different kind of cookie or holiday treat....the kitchen still smells like sugar, peanut butter and fresh treats :)

We will be sending these treats out tomorrow!

As many of you have learned, I am care package obsessed. It has been almost 4 months, and I have already sent out 30 care packages ---not including however many packages these holiday treats will equal. So when my Mom told me of this idea, I was on board right away! I am so excited for the guys to get these treats, I just hope they all make it there safely and still fresh *fingers crossed*.

As I am writing this, I am telling two of the other wives from our Troop that I am TRYING to make my blogs not so sad and that I will do my best on this one.....but, sorry ladies....we are about to get sad.

Even though the evening was fun filled with all the ladies, wine, mimosas and all the tasty treats you could think of....I got sad out of no where.

I went out to the back patio of my parents house and was holding Grayson rocking on the rocking bench out there. Just me and him, nice and quite and peaceful, looking inside at all of these wonderful ladies putting time into something special for men they have never met (with the exception of Zak), all sitting around, coming together, laughing and having a great time with the Christmas music playing, and the tears just started streaming down my face. Not a big cry face, just the silent tears....yeah I know, those are the worst right....but I couldnt help it. It was such a fun gathering, but I kept thinking in my head, "this is so wonderful, so sweet.....but this wouldnt be going on if he wasnt away...but he is away....and this is one of the few things we can do to show we are thinking of them and caring about each of them...."

And then my brain went into a different place...

It hit me...the holidays without my husband.....

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (all of Grayson's first) and my birthday, all in the next 2 months...without him and ....I lost it.

Ugh.

There is this quote,

"all I want is to find him outside my window on Christmas morning, holding a sign that says, "Santa Forgot One"

...that is how I feel.

That is all I want for Christmas. I want my husband. Home. Please and Thank You.

I know there are only 4 more months to go until I get to see him again...and I know I know...I am the one who said a few blogs ago that I have made it 4 months so far, so the next 4 months will be cake.

My blogs, I'm allowed to change how I feel if I want to :p

In all serious, I still feel that way, still positive with that outlook, but sheesh I would like the next 4 months to come and go in the next 4 days...that would be nice huh.


If I complain for the next month or so...just bare with me okay, the holidays are going to make me a bit more sad than usual because...well, its the holidays, and instead of my husband being home with his little boy, he has to be over in the most terrible place you can be in right now...and that breaks my heart :(

I miss you baby, and next Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday and New Years are going to be twice as amazing. Hang in there with me! We love you!

until the end of all time <3

11 November 2010

Veteran's Day

I know that I have already posted this, but seeing how it is Veteran's Day, and I do not feel that I can gather up words deserving of expressing how I feel about those who fight for our country...I felt as though a repeat would not be awful...and there is also a new video at the bottom of a very good speech about those who put their lives on the line each and every day.
These are pieces of Ben Stein's book, "The Real Stars"


"In Today's America, Who Are The True Heroes?"

"If you ask the wealthy about the men in battle dress uniforms, they act embarrassed. The subject quickly changes."

"It's mortifying to be so goddamned selfish when other people are dying for you. It's like being caught naked with the maid in the laundry room: it's not supposed to be brought up...
But it has to be brought up. Three hundred million people are being protected by men and women they don't know."

"The men and women doing the huge deals on Wall Street, the men and women making millions in Hollywood, then men who cannot bear that their yacht is late being delievered, the men and women who cannot wait to read more about Lindsay Lohan, the teenagers who think they have it rough because they have to do math homework before they can play computer games, and the politicians in their neat suits --- every one of us --- is protected by the blood of the men and women in uniform...and we're ignoring their very existence."

"Part of this is the way it's always been, of course.
Some die that others may live."

"But what's new, and what's so insane, is that instead of a nation united behind these men and women in combat, solid like a rock behind their families, we pretend they don't exist.
We pretend that the wars aren't happening and that what's real is what's in People Magazine . This is just not right ."

"It's insulting to the men and women who offer up their lives for less than a Hollywood producer spends on tickets for parking in handicapped zones."

"To me, it is amazing, incredible, magnificent, and fantastic that men will sign up to die for people they don't know. It is breathtaking that women will spend years or a lifetime serving the country that pretends they don't exist.
...It is a screaming miracle."

"There should be a beacon of thanks shrieking into the sky every second, coming from our hearts and souls. I feel as if our whole nation should be pouring out hearts in gratitude every day and every night."
 
"....We cannot all be brave enough to do what they do. We cannot be young enough or strong enough. However, every one of us can pray and every one of us can be on our knees in gratitude."

"...God bless those sacred souls in their uniforms and in their hospital beds and in their graves --and the military wives, girlfriends, fiances, children, familes, the marrow in the backbone of America.
God bless those whose fear and courage lets us live in the lavishness and foolishness that is our daily lives."

-Ben Stein
The Real Stars
Preface pages ix-xii

"God bless this glorious American military, every wife, every child, every parent; and endless prayers for them to return home safe, mission accomplished. God bless them every moment of every day for keeping safe this America, inside of which we live as powerfully as we live in our skin. This has to be the central fact of our lives: gratitude for the men and women who make this great life possible, who wear the uniform and cover it with glory".

-Ben Stein
The Real Stars
Page 12
From The American Spectator 7/26/2006


This is a video of a speech reinactment (slightly revised :p) about former Marine, and Senator John Glen, also first American to orbit space. Now I know I am an Army Wife, and most of you reading this are Army spouses and family members, but put that aside for a moment because this has NOTHING to do with the Marines and EVERYTHING to do how thankful we should all be of those serving our country.


Enjoy :)

09 November 2010

Sick Buggy

Poor Grayson...sick little Buggy.

I picked Grayson up from "school" on Friday to find him with a bad cough and having lost his voice --completely :(

I figured I would get him seen at normal hours on Monday...I could not wait that long.

Late Saturday night he woke up multiple times coughing so badly he was choking and could not catch his breath so I finally woke up really early and took him to the ER where the doctor said he thought he had Croup and gave him a dose of a steroid and said we would notice a huge improvement within 12 hours.....

No improvement.

So I took him to his normal pediatrician today, where she said she absolutely did not think it was Croup but that he definitely seems to have an Upper Respritory Infection :(

Blah.

So she gave him antibiotics for 10 days, ear drops and eye drops (he had drainage coming from not only his nose, but his eyes and ears as well).

I hope he starts feeling better soon.

I have to say, he is the best sick little baby ever. He is not grumpy or mean. He is so happy and content -just sick.

I also have to say, it is very strange having him without a voice. This boy is the most vocal baby I have ever known...he always talks and giggles and screams with joy........nothing......he tries to hit the high pitches and nothing comes out, every now and then he will get a little whisper of a noise....and oh gosh dont even get me started on when he starts getting tired or really not feeling well and tries to cry....you cant hear that he is crying...it is so sad but also the cutest thing ever. Is that wrong? :p

Hopefully all this medicine will get him feeling better!

Here is a little video of him without his voice :)



to the monster star and back <3

01 November 2010

Grayson Goes to School (Day 95)

Today is November 1st...the start of a whole new month, annnnnd it is also Grayson's First Day of "School".

Grayson is attending a Montesorri Preschool/Day Care Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's now.

I thought this would be good for a few reasons. I can dive back into my studies and go back to work on the days he is at "school" and it will also help him in his developmental skills to be around other babies, younger and older than him.

I was always so worried about ever sending Grayson to a Daycare because of all the horror stories I have heard. But this is not just a daycare, as I said it is a Montesorri School that is very well accredited and awarded. It is also very safe, they have to give you an electronic key that allows you to enter the building and only people on a specific list that you give the teachers can pick up your child and all of the teachers are wonderful and I have full trust in them.

Grayson didnt even cry when I brought him there. They said on the first day they ask you to stick around for a bit to see how your child is doing and help him get comfortable. But I brought Grayson in, sat him on the little play area and he just sat there and played with some toys and starred at the other little ones around him. Didnt cry at all....so I left before he had the chance lol because if I was there and he was crying I probably wouldnt have been able to leave.

Got one phone call during the day that said he was crying a lot so I stopped in to check on him and he was completely happy at that time....he apparently favors one teacher more than the other. And the teacher he likes more went to lunch so he had a melt down because he didnt want the other one to hold him or feed him ---so when his favorite got back he was perfectly happy.

He is such a little stinker :p

When I went to pick him up at the end of the day, they said he did very well for his first day and that he is such a great baby so I am very excited to continue with this :) When we move back to NC I will probably continue him in Montesorri Preschool because I really like their program, even for young babies :)

I will keep updating about how his "school" is going!

until the end of all time <3

31 October 2010

Happy Halloween!

HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


Today was Grayson's very first Halloween! 

Now granted he is too young to eat any of the yummy candy, but you are never too young to dress up and go trick or treating.  So...we did.

That little cutie next to Grayson is Miss Stella, Grayson's "girlfriend", she is also our neighbor :)

We didnt go to many houses, mainly just to the ones in the neighborhood of people that know us and know Grayson and Stella so we could show everyone how cute they are in their Halloween costumes.

Now, Grayson WAS going to be a monkey:
BUUUUT, as you can see, that looks like one "hot" costume.
And being that Halloween was a very warm evening, we 
decided it would be best to dress him in something a little cooler, so we went with the one piece skeleton...which we though was actually perfect because of his Cranial Band... kind of looks like exposed bone :p so we thought that would work with the skeleton outfit ---I know, mean Mommy but you cant say it isnt ADORABLE!
I mean really, look at that skeleton outfit :))

He is such a cute baby skeleton!












Aside from the traditional fun of Halloween, before I took Grayson trick or treating I went to the Dallas Cowboys game.... and.... well, I hate to say this, but with no surprise they got their butts kicked. We left in the 3rd quarter. Before that they were playing decent, but then they kept making incomplete passes and fumbles and it was getting sad so we decided there was no reason to stay around and watch them get killed, it would just be torture...soooo we left and I came home to enjoy Halloween with my awesome little boy! 

I hope everyone had a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

to the monster star and back <3

29 October 2010

3 months down

3 months into deployment today.

Once again, I do not really know how to scale the time so far. Some days it feels like we have so much longer ahead and other days it feels like the days are going quickly.

I have decided to count it by how old Grayson is...don't ask me why but it doesn't seem like such a long time when I look at it this way:

Okay, Grayson is almost 8 months old (in 3 weeks), when he turns 8 months old, that means there are only 4 more months until he is 1 year old! And when he turns 1 year old, Zak will be home for R&R, and once Zak leaves from R&R there will only be 4 more months left of deployment ---> see, when you look at it that way it doesnt sound as bad as, "well its been 3/4 months and we still have 8 more to go" when you break it up a little like that, it seems like it will go by fairly quickly!

*Fingers Crossed*

The past couple of weeks I have been blessed to get to hear from Zak more than usual, which has just been absolutely amazing. However, I can't wait until he gets home and I dont have to wait for his call anymore, when there is no more bad internet connection just cutting off conversation with no warning...the day where I can just wake up and him be next to me, see him play with Grayson in person and not just on Skype is probably going to make me cry -happy cry of course.

When you think about it, it is almost insane how couples make it through deployments. Being separated for a full year, sometimes more in the Army, only getting to see your husband for 2 weeks out of that year. Going so long without a hug or a kiss from each other. Trying to show your affection through sending care packages and letters and photos. Relying solely on trust and communication....which can be hard when so many scare stories of what has happened to other soldiers and their marriages during deployment are running through your husbands head and when communication can be hard depending on how kind the internet wants to be when you do get to communicate. Worrying every second of every day. And that is on both ends. We at home worry about our soldiers and their safety and if they will make it home ---but our husbands are worrying twice as much...they are worrying about their own safety and if they will make him home to us as well, but also worrying about their wives and children back home without them because they are not here to protect us and make sure we are safe and sound at all times.

Deployment can either make or break you --- and I know I can say, it will NEVER break us.

To me, you learn so much more about your husband/wife when you are separated from them for so long, because you honestly do actually talk -and listen- more than you do on the daily basis when at home, because that is all you have. You learn how strong you are as a person, how strong they are, and you find out that your marriage is a hell of a lot stronger than you ever thought possible -and that gives you a since of pride :)

If Zak were to ever get out of the military, I know that there isnt anything that could come between us or alter the greatness of our family.

So as I have said before, I will say it again....come on deployment, bring on the next 9 months! :p


until the end of all time <3

22 October 2010

Antlers Up!

ANTLERS UP PEOPLE!

TEXAS RANGERS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!



Congratulations to our Texas Rangers who beat the New York Yankees in Game 6 of the Playoffs.

I have a few friends from NY, and I love you all, but I do have to say -HA HA! BEAT THAT!

This is such an exciting day for the state of Texas. My Dad was on an airplane when this game was happening but he was able to watch a majority of it while in air and can I say, he is like a kid that just had his first snow on Christmas Day. He is SO giddy and excited...I think he just might start jumping up and down. But hey, you cant make fun of him because that is how the majority of Texas is feeling right now!

SO EXCITED FOR THESE BOYS!

They played their asses off today, and it was a GREAT game!

The pitches by Colby Lewis were on spot, Elvis Andrus line drive catch was a "jump" of his life, and dont even get me started on the Yankees deciding to walk Josh Hamilton with Mitch Moreland already on base which COMPLETELY BACKFIRED when Vladimir Guerreros stepped up to bat and smashed the curve ball by Hughes bringing in Moreland and Hamilton.

So again I say. HA HA. Bad move there Yanks.

I even said it. When they walked Hamilton I immediately said, "This is going to backfire on the Yankees, watch....they will walk Josh, and then Vladimir will step up to the plate, they will not walk him and he will make the Yankees regret that decision."

Annnnnnd boy did he.

Great game boys!

Now to take on the San Fransisco Giants in the best of 7 of the 2010 World Series being held right here at the Rangers Stadium!

LET'S GO RANGERS!

10 October 2010

"Until the end of all time"

‎"Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. The belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision, to ignore or simply rise above the pain of the past. The covenent, which at once binds two souls yet severs prior ties. The celebrat...ion that two will always be stronger than one. Like a team, braced against the tempest's of the world. And love...will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality, only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. Promises made long ago in the sacred place of our hearts."

 
 
Zak,
‎28 months ago, you changed my life forever. You had already been in it for several years before, but literally 28 months ago to the day, you asked me to spend the rest of my life with you...and I never for a second hesitated my answer. Yes. Of course yes. 

16 months ago I stood with you, as two adults making the ultimate decision to spend our lives -for better, for worse. I do. So many people doubted us & the strength of our love...boy were they wrong to doubt us :)
 
12 months ago today, in front of family and the closest of friends we had the wedding of our dreams & shared our passion and love for the world to see and today my love for you only grows stronger & that will never waiver. 
 
You have brought out the best person in me. Living this life has made me in a sense independent but completely dependent on you at the same time. I rely on you for everything. When I have a question, you have the answer. When I have a problem, you know the solution. Anytime I am stressed, sad, or upset about something serious or something silly, you have never judged me, you only calm me down and help me to relax and work through any and everything. You always have a way of making everything all right and when you say, "just trust me on this okay", I know it really will be okay. 
 
You have made me strong and have taught me how to be brave. You have loved me unconditionally for everything I am without alteration and I will spend eternity giving myself to you endlessly. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my better half and I will love you, until the end of all time.
 
 
 

"You see they do something that is very rare in people our age. Actaully it is very rare to see in anybody. They give their hearts to each other, unconditionally. And thats what true love really is. Its not this fairy tale life that never knows pain, but it is two souls facing it together and diminishing it with unconditional love."
 

 
 

"Once upon a time there was a Princess who lived in a kingdom far, far away; and in that kingdom there also lived a boy and the Princess loved that boy and, so the two decided to marry."
 


 

27 September 2010

Story Time with Daddy! (Day 60)

The past few days have been very good days for me. Zak has had a little down time and that has allowed him to be able to call me and I cannot explain the feeling I get when I hear his voice....butterflies <3 I love it.

Today was EXTRA awesome because I got a package in the mail from the USO and inside was a Curious George book and a mini DVD.

The mini DVD was a video of Zak reading Curious George to Grayson!!!

And at the end of the story he got a minute to say some personal words and I will admit --I didn't start crying until that point.

I know the story and the DVD are mainly for Grayson but oh how good it was to see him...to see him without blur, delayed, or breaking in and out every few seconds to really see him it was so perfect.

And may I just say, he is looking goooooood, A sexy man that husband of mine ;)

Aside from my over excitement of this story book and video I watched it with Grayson -not once, but twice. We watched it as soon as I opened it and after me and Graysons evening walk and tubby time, I put him in his little rocker, set the laptop up where he could see it and we both sat there together watching Zak read the bedtime story. Once it got down to where he just talks to us I took the laptop and put it on Graysons lap and he got so wide-eyed and smiley and kept hitting his hands on the computer and would smile real big each time I would say, "Thats Dada!".

A story book and video might not see like a very big deal to a lot of people out there but this is such a big deal!

It is perfect :)

Now everyday/night we get to share story time with Daddy and that is so special to us.

This will also help give Grayson something to watch of his Daddy all of the time to help him remember Zak when he comes home and that is so important to me to try to keep that memory there and I know videos like these are going to help so much.

Zak said the USO building has a little room and they have close to or over 100 childrens books. The soldier picks the book he wants to read and goes into the room -and from the video it looks like the setting of a childs room- and the sit in front of a camera and it records them reading :))) How awesome is that?!?

We had the recordable book that Zak did before he left but this is SO much better because we get to see him and hear him!

He said he is going to try to do this with as many books as possible. I know his is very busy and that may take some time but even this one book is more than I could ever have asked for.

Thank you so much baby! You are hands down, the best Daddy a little boy could ask for!

We love and miss you so much!

until the end of all time <3

17 September 2010

Grayson = 6 months!

Today is Grayson's "6 month birthday"!

I can't believe it...it does not feel like it has been 6 months since he was born, and to think in 6 more months he will be a year old!

Part of me wants that time to be a little slower so I can still enjoy my little bug, but at the same time I want it to go by just as fast, if not faster as the first 6 months because not only will Grayson be 1 year old in 6 months, Zak will also be home for 2 weeks of R&R! YAY! And then after that there will only be 4 more months until he is home and finished with this deployment! SUPER YAY!

We had Grayson's 6 month well baby appointment today, which went pretty darn well, he is always good at the doctors...although babe, you are going to love this --remember his very first appointment ever, 2 days after we left the hospital....well I guess he wanted to relive a certain moment from that appointment :p oh yeah you know what I am talking about hahaha. He is such a little monster.

Grayson sitting up by himself in the cutest monkey beanie that my Mom got him :)


He is very healthy which makes me happy, he is on track for his development both physically and mentally -a few things about Grayson:

  • He is eating his baby foods..really loves pears, prunes, peas and green beans but will eat it all except bananas which is funny because neither Zak nor myself like bananas.
  • When feeding him, I give him his own spoon and he puts it in his mouth trying to feed himself -so cute.
  • Starting to hold his bottle.
  • He has completely figured out his exersaucer. He knows what things play music and light up and how to press them to do it, he knows how to turn himself completely around in it and grab at all the other things.
  • Sleeping in his own crib in his own room through the night :)
  • Understands "Daddy" and "Dada" and smiles so big when I say it.
  • Loves, and I mean loves watching videos of Zak and of him and Zak and gets upset with me when they are over.
  • He can sit unsupported for about a minute! -When he gets really excited he pushes himself back hehe.
  • Annnnnnd he has his 1st tooth coming in!

So many little changes going on with him and I am very excited for them all!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I love you baby!


to the monster star and back




    11 September 2010

    Never Forget 9.11.2001

    "The planes were hijacked, the buildings fell, and thousands of lives were lost nearly a thousand miles from here. But the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were an attack on the heart of America.
    And standing here in the heartland of America, we say in one voice
    We will not give in to terrorists;
    We will not rest until they are found and defeated;
    We will win this struggle not for glory, nor wealth, nor power, but for justice, for freedom, and for peace;
    So help us God."
    --Tom Harkin


    "America is a national full of good fortune, with so much to be grateful for. But we are not spared from suffering. In every generation, the world has produced enemies of human freedom. They have attacked America, because we are freedom's home and defender. And the commitment of our fathers is now the calling of our time" 
    President George W. Bush
    September 14, 2001

     
    "The attacks of September 11th were intended to break our spirit. Instead we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined than ever to live our lives in freedom."
    Rudolph W. Giuliani
    Mayor of the City of New York
    December 31, 2001


     "So what do we do?
    Don't overreact some say. We aren't.
    We haven't lashed out. No missiles on the first night just for effect.
    Don't kill innocent people. We are not the ones who waged war on the innocent. We seek the guilty.
    Look for a diplomatic solution. There is no diplomacy with Bin Laden or the Taliban regime.
    State an ultimatum and get their response. We stated the ultimatum; they haven't responded. 
    Understand the causes of terror. Yes, we should try, but let there be no moral ambiguity about this: nothing could ever justify the events of 11 September, and it is to turn justice on its head to pretend it could.
    The action we take will be proportionate; targeted; we will do all we humanly can to avoid civilian casualties. But understand what we are dealing with. Listen to the calls of those passengers on the planes. 
    Think of the children on them, told they were going to die. 
    Think of the cruelty beyond our comprehension as amongst the screams and the anguish of the innocent, those hijackers drove at full throttle planes laden with fuel into buildings where tens of thousands worked.
    They have no moral inhibition on the slaughter of the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000 does anyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it? 
    There is no compromise possible with such people, no meeting of minds, no point of understanding with such terror.
    Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated by it. And defeat it we must."
    --British Prime Minister Tony Blair

     "Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger."
    --George W. Bush


    "War has been waged against us by stealth and deceit and murder. This nation is peaceful, but fierce when stirred to anger. This conflict was begun on the timing and terms of others. It will end in a way, and at an hour, of our choosing. "
    --George W. Bush, Speech at National Cathedral, September 14, 2001


    "America has its faults as a society, as we have ours.
    But I think of the Union of America born out of the defeat of slavery. 
    I think of its Constitution, with its inalienable rights granted to every citizen still a model for the world.
    I think of a black man, born in poverty, who became chief of their armed forces and is now secretary of state Colin Powell and I wonder frankly whether such a thing could have happened here.
    I think of the Statue of Liberty and how many refugees, migrants and the impoverished passed its light and felt that if not for them, for their children, a new world could indeed be theirs.
    I think of a country where people who do well, don't have questions asked about their accent, their class, their beginnings but have admiration for what they have done and the success they've achieved.
     I think of those New Yorkers I met, still in shock, but resolute; the fire fighters and police, mourning their comrades but still head held high."
    --British Prime Minister Tony Blair

    "Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."
    President George W. Bush
    September 11, 2001


    "This is a day when all Americans, from every walk of life, unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yes, we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world. Thank you. Good night, and God Bless America."
    President Geroge W. Bush
    September 11, 2001